Everybody Loves Cartman
by cell12
Summary: Stan and Kyle's relationship is falling apart. They go to first Butters and then Kenny for advice - only to find the two blondes both have feelings for Cartman. Rated M for mild descriptions of abuse and massive Cartman slash in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 1**

To anyone looking in from the outside, Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski had the perfect relationship. They had been best friends forever, so it was no surprise when they finally hooked up. They were often cited as the perfect couple because they had it all; the looks, the close-meshing personalities, the history of being friends and the deep understanding you need for a relationship to survive. So it would have shocked everyone in South Park to find out that Stan and Kyle were having serious problems in their six month old relationship. It wasn't a personality problem, their problem was in bed.

Like most first-time gay couples, Stan and Kyle had been nervous about the sexual side of their relationship. Neither would admit it but some of the things that gay guys did scared them. Mutual masturbation and oral sex had come pretty naturally and pretty quickly into their sex play but both boys had been rather nervous about taking the last step and trying anal sex. It had taken three boxes of wine coolers and a lot of reading instructions from various on-line sources before either of them had been willing to try it. The truth was that they were both more worried about hurting each other that with anything else. Obviously with so much stress involved, the actual first times with each other had been a bit of a let-down. Not that they gave up, they tried again and soon both grew to like it. Sadly that was where there problems began.

The problem was that both Stan and Kyle loved receiving anal sex but didn't enjoy the giving anywhere near as much. It was true, despite their perfectly matched personalities, they weren't compatible in bed. It was something that was hard for them to accept and even harder to admit. The saddest thing about it was that they still loved each other and wanted to be together - but how could they stay together if they both craved something that the other couldn't provide?

It was Kyle, ever the practical one, who came up with a solution to their problem.

"We could find another guy and both have sex with him."

Stan had been slightly shocked by the idea at first, but he loved Kyle and he had to admit it was a chance for them to salvage something out of their relationship.

"I don't know Kyle," Stan said, "there's not a lot of gay guys, our age, in town. The only ones that I know of are already in relationships."

"Well there's Butters," Kyle suggested - knowing already that the effeminate boy would only ever be a receiver in any gay relationship.

Stan looked at Kyle, "I don't think Butters is that experienced about sex. I've never seen him date and he's kept, pretty much, to himself since his dad left last year."

"I know," Kyle replied, "but maybe he might know someone who could be good for us. It's worth a shot anyway."

Stan agreed and so the pair of them went to visit Butters.

Butters had always acted effeminately at school, along with his soft blonde hair and passive nature, he could easily have become a target for bullying. There was only one reason why he wasn't bullied - Cartman.

The Fat-ass had made it pretty clear that anyone he considered his friend was off limits for any serious bullying. Not that Cartman was giving Butters special treatment, he was doing the same for Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Only last week Cartman had come across two seniors dousing Kenny in petrol, with the intention of setting him on fire. This wasn't the gruesome murder you may imagine, given Kenny's ability to come back from the dead. Still, their actions had greatly pissed off Cartman - who'd taken a great deal of care and attention in beating the shit out of the two older boys. The fact that they were both older than him and starters on the high-school football team hadn't mattered to Cartman. His fighting style was rather unique - it involved him grabbing hold of a person and repeatedly slamming them into hard surfaces, or his fists, until they were broken and defeated. Any punches or blows they gave him, in the meantime, were just ignored. Cartman had performed similar acts of violence to protect them when Kyle and Stan had first started dating. It had surprised Kyle at first because he argued with the Fat-ass all the time. When he was asked about it afterwards, Cartman's only comment was that only he was allowed to make fun of the Jew and the hippy.

Stan had to nudge Kyle out of his day-dream when they arrived at Butters' house.

"Hey Butters," Stan said when the smaller boy opened the door, "we were wondering if we could speak to you in private?"

Butters smiled and invited the two friends into his house, "Well of course you can fellas. I'm always ready to help a friend."

Kyle smiled at this - he had never really considered Butters a friend and just saw him as the annoying kid who always hung around with them. Not really part of their group but not with anyone else either. It was Cartman who encouraged Butters - but only because he used the gullible boy in his various schemes. Even when Kyle had pointed out that the Fat-ass was just using him and the Eric wasn't really his friend, Butters had still hung around and let himself be taken advantage of. Any chance of Kyle and Butters being friends was gone. Kyle couldn't be friends with someone who had so little self-respect.

Meanwhile Stan had been explaining about his and Kyle's unusual relationship problem. Butters was nodding and seemed to understand.

"I have a similar problem fellas," Butters said grinding his fists against each other, "I haven't had any attention like that for a while."

Kyle remembered that Butters' dad had left suddenly, just over a year ago. Things were starting to make sense.

"Did your dad do things to you?" Kyle asked.

Butters didn't answer, instead he looked away and blushed - appearing even more nervous than usual.

"Tell us Butters," Stan urged, "we won't judge you and we are good at keeping secrets."

Butters looked up, finally, into their faces, "I guess I can trust you fellas," he said.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I chose to write this story first - not because it was most popular but because I have it about 60-70% written already. Hopefully I should be able to finish it quickly before moving on to the next story._

_For those of you who hate Style, myself included, this is as bad as the story gets Kyle/Stan wise._

_For this story, I've deliberately kept the descriptions of the main characters vague. Everybody has their own ideas about how the boys will look when they're teenagers, who an I to try to fight against that._


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 02**

Butters lead Stan and Kyle upstairs to his room. it was considerably different to when they had last seen it. For one thing it was slightly messy, nothing like their rooms but still a big change from the way it had been before. The second thing they noticed was that Butters actually had a computer in his room. His dad would never have allowed that, given how insanely strict he was at controlling his son's life.

"You guessed right Kyle," Butters said quietly - once they had all sat down, "my dad used to come into my room and do things to me."

"He used to have sex with you?" Stan asked, rather crudely.

Butters nodded yes, ashamed and not wanting to answer aloud.

"For how long?" Kyle asked more gently.

"A couple of years," Butters replied.

"And you didn't say anything," Stan questioned, "ask for help or report him?"

"I was too scared," Butters answered, "and you know how he was. He treated me so bad all the time."

"There's more isn't there Butters," Kyle pressed.

"I started to like it," Butters looked at Stan and Kyle, daring them to say anything, "not him, not what he was doing to me - the sex. I enjoyed it when," Butters voice trailed off.

"When he fucked you," Stan finished for him.

Butters nodded, "I used to close my eyes and pretend it was someone else, anyone else. I used to imagine that I had a boyfriend who loved me and took care of me."

"So what happened?" Kyle asked.

"One day my mom came home early and caught us," Butters answered, "my dad begged her not to call the police and he had me so well trained that I even begged her not to as well."

"She didn't call the police?" Stan asked, slightly incredulous.

"She had her reasons," Butters looked away.

Kyle understood, "Stan, in a small town like South Park everybody knows everyone s business. Life would have been unbearable for both her and Butters. Add to that the unpleasant medical examinations he would have had to endure, not to mention giving evidence in court. The defence lawyer would have torn him apart."

Stan nodded, finally understanding.

"So your dad left," Kyle said.

"He went to live in Florida with his brother," Butters informed them.

"Is that the uncle who did stuff to you when you were younger?" Stan asked.

Butters nodded again, "It turns out that they were both molestered when they were kids."

"That's no excuse to do the same to you," Stan muttered.

"My mom said that they both had to get professional help or she wouldn't hesitate to report them," Butters was trembling slightly as he spoke - visibly upset, "he has to pay her alimony and put money into a college account for me every month."

"And you've not had sex with anyone since then," Kyle concluded.

Butters shook his head, "I'm sorry, I don't know anyone else who's gay."

"Who was your pretend boyfriend, the guy you imagined was with you rather than your dad?" Stan asked, not realising how intrusive the question was.

Butters looked downwards, "I can't say. It wouldn't really be fair to him, since he does so much for me anyways."

"You like Cartman," Stan blurted out the name without thinking.

"Oh hamburgers," Butters started to panic, "you won't tell him, will you fellas. I mean, he's not like us."

"You're right," Kyle commented, "he's got one hundred pounds on us any day."

Stan sniggered at Kyle's catty remark.

"Don't be mean to Eric," Butters snapped - glaring fiercely at Kyle, "he's a good friend, he just doesn't have very good people skills is all."

"Don't worry Butters," Stan told the small blonde, "we won't say anything to Cartman."

"Of course we won't," Kyle agreed, "but if you really like him you should consider telling him yourself."

Butters shook his head, "You know that I can't do that."

There were a few moments of awkward silence, while the three boys returned downstairs and it wasn't until Butters was seeing them out before he spoke again.

"Y'know fellas, maybe you should speak to Kenny about your problem. He seems to know everything about that sort of thing."

Kyle and Stan couldn't help but discuss Butters' suggestion as the left his house.

"Kenny does know a lot about sex," Stan said.

"Even though most of it's about girls," Kyle replied.

"But he is really cute for a guy," Stan mused. Noticing Kyle's reaction to his comment he continued, "I'm just thinking that maybe some gay guys have asked him out or something."

"Maybe," Kyle conceded, still not letting Stan off the hook, "either way it's still worth asking him. Other than Cartman's mom, no-one knows more about sex than him."

Stan grinned, "He should still be asleep in bed."

Both boys knew that Kenny spent every Friday night out partying and hooking up with the lady s. Most Saturdays he slept in until well past midday.

Kyle glanced at his watch, "Still a couple of hours until he's waking up."

"We should go home for lunch, then meet up at around one thirty," Stan suggested.

Kyle nodded, leaned towards his boyfriend and kissed him. Even a simple kiss seemed awkward now between them, "Why does it have to be this complicated?" Kyle complained. "Why couldn't things have been right between us?"

Stan put a supportive arm over Kyle's shoulders, "It will all work out," he said, "you'll see - we'll find a hunky guy to be with. This may have happened for a reason, we might end up even happier than you can imagine."

Stan and Kyle split up as they headed off to their respective homes. Kyle to a nice meal with his family, usually accompanied by a lecture from his mother. Stan also had a good meal, his came with a side-dish of drunken ramblings from his hung-over dad. At least Stan wasn't getting kicked under the table, like he used to before Shelley left for college.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I've got up to chapter eight of this story already written, just waiting to be typed up. Hopefully I'll be able to update quickly._

_A couple of the spelling mistakes in this chapter are deliberate, they are based on how Butters speaks._


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 03**

After lunch the two super best friends met up to walk to Kenny's house. Kenny lived on the bad side of town, across the train tracks. His house was a single story, ramshackle effort that wasn't really fit for human habitation. Out front were rusting car hulks and large numbers of broken bottles and other debris. None of this phased Stan and Kyle, they had been Kenny's friends since pre-school.

As they arrived, Kenny was stumbling out of the door. He still liked to wear a hood but he had long since grown out of his childhood parka. Instead now, Kenny wore an orange hooded sweatshirt with a hood-less warmer coat thrown over it. He sometimes wore a wool hat, like Stan's and Cartman's, underneath the hood.

"Hey guys," Kenny said as he spotted his two friends approaching, "have you taken time out of your busy sex lives to hang with me?"

Kyle couldn't help but smile when Kenny spoke. The blonde had a lot of crap to deal with in his life - regular random, painful, deaths and all the usual crap that went with having useless parents who spent all the money they scraped up on booze and drugs. Somehow, through all that, Kenny managed to keep cheerful and smiling. The happiness and joy he carried was infectious.

"We just wanted to ask for your help, it should only take a few minutes," Stan said.

"Mind if we walk and talk," Kenny replied, "I'm off to Cartman's house to mooch some food."

Stan and Kyle easily agreed, some weekends Kenny went without food entirely.

"Cartman lets you eat his food?" Kyle asked, slightly incredulous.

"Well he doesn't exactly let me," Kenny explained, "he just sort of ignores it when I help myself. As long as I don't flaunt it in his face."

"Cartman's such a dick," Stan commented.

"Don't insult my best friend Stan," Kenny snapped, only half joking, "I wouldn't want to swap lives with him - and you know how crappy my life is."

"Cartman brings all his problems on himself," Kyle stated rather cruelly.

"It isn't his fault that his mom is a crack whore," Kenny pointed out, "I've seen some of the shit he has to deal with."

"What sort of stuff?" Stan asked.

"It's not my place to say," Kenny answered, "but trust me on this, his life isn't anywhere near as wonderful as he tries to make out."

Stan and Kyle shared a curious glance with each other but decided, silently, not to push Kenny on the matter.

"Now I know that you wanted to ask me something, not just spend all your time discussing Cartman with me. So spill it," Kenny gave the two boys a cheeky grin.

"We've been having problems with our relationship," Kyle started.

"Let me guess," Kenny interrupted, "you both prefer to receive rather than give?"

Seeing the two stunned faces of his friends, Kenny continued, "It's pretty obvious that you're a pair of ukes, your body language screams out - I need to be fucked."

"So you understand our problem?" Stan asked.

"Not fully," Kenny seemed to find the whole thing amusing, "are you looking to split up and get two new boyfriends or are you wanting to find a stud to share?"

"Share," Stan answered feeling embarrassed. Next to him Kyle was also bright red.

Kenny nodded, "You don't want anyone older than us because you'd be left alone when they go to college."

"We don't want to ruin anybody s relationship either," Kyle pointed out.

Stan and Kyle had both slightly hoped that Kenny would have offered his services. He was already their friend and they wouldn't have felt as awkward about sharing a bed with him - given the number of sleep-overs they'd shared as younger children.

Kenny had noticed the disappointed looks his two friends were giving him. He stopped and turned to face them head-on, "Look, can I tell you something?"

"You can tell us anything Kenny," Kyle answered.

"You know that we won't repeat anything dude," Stan said.

"My brother used to do gay stuff with me when he was between girlfriends," Kenny could see the jaws of his two friends drop as he spoke.

"But you're straight Kenny, you date girls," Stan finally managed to say.

"Maybe so," Kenny answered, "but sometimes I get a craving to be fucked by a big cock. If that makes me bisexual, then I'm fine with that."

"Your brother left, a few months ago, to join the army," Kyle pointed out.

"I've been fucking myself with a dildo that I stole off one of my girlfriends - but it isn't the same," Kenny said.

"I don't see your problem Kenny," Stan said, "you could easily pick up a guy for sex."

"If word got around that I was looking for sex with guys, all the girls in town wouldn't want to date me," Kenny explained.

"Yes they would Kenny," Kyle argued, "in fact most of them would find it hot."

Stan nodded in agreement, "Knowing you Ken, you'd find a way to get yourself invited to girls slumber party's."

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** If the cut off at the end of this chapter seems a little harsh - sorry. It was the best I could manage. I actually wrote 60 sides of A5 notebook paper before starting to split it up for chapters. I'll try to post another chapter up tomorrow.  
_

_For those of you waiting for the humour - it kicks in from chapter 5 onwards._


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 04**

"You don't get it," Kenny snapped, "I'm not really attracted to most of the girls I date. I only date them because they pay for the dates. They pay for the cinema or the restaurant, they pay for the take-away pizza and the ice-cream cake afterwards. I know it makes me a whore but I need to eat. I can't just rely on my friends to feed me like I did when I was little. My most recent girlfriend even bought me lunches in the school cafeteria." Kenny hung his head in shame.

Kenny had lead his friends to the bench over-looking Starks pond. It was a favourite place for them, when they wanted to chat about something private.

"Do you even like any of the girls you've dated?" Kyle asked, brushing the snow away before he sat down.

"I like some girls," Kenny insisted, "just not always the ones I end up with though."

"What about guys," Stan asked, "do you have any feelings for them other than a craving to be fucked?"

"I like you and Kyle, but only as friends," Kenny tried to explain, "Butters just annoys the fuck out of me sometimes. The only other guy I really hang around with is Cartman."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other.

"You don't have feelings for the Fat-ass, do you?" Kyle questioned.

Kenny shook his head in denial, "He's my best friend. I've slept over at his house a lot - usually when it's really cold."

"Did you share his bed?" Stan asked.

"Yes, but nothing has ever happened," Kenny insisted, "the most he's ever done is hug me when I was freezing cold." He started kicking at the hardened snow around his feet.

"But you wanted more to happen, didn't you?" Kyle asked gently.

"Maybe," Kenny admitted, "but there's no way I'm gonna push things with him. He does so much for me and I don't want to ruin that by coming on to him. Even though he has got a huge cock."

"Cartman's got a huge cock," Stan repeated.

"When did you see it?" Kyle asked.

"Was he hard?" Stan pressed.

"Remember that really bad weather we had in January?" Kenny paused to see his friends nodding their heads, "Well my house had no heating so I persuaded Cartman to let me stay at his house for a few days."

"And you sneaked a peek," Kyle joked.

"Not like that," Kenny insisted, "I woke up one morning needing to piss real bad. I didn't bother knocking, I just rushed into the bathroom. He was jerking it in the shower, I swear to god he was eight inches."

"Fuck," said Kyle.

"Jesus Kenny," added Stan.

"He wasn't pleased that I'd ruined his morning pleasures, I had to do a lot of grovelling before I was allowed to stop again that night," Kenny smiled as he finished his story.

"Who knew that all that fat was hiding a monster?" Kyle joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Eight inches," Stan murmured, slightly stunned by the thought of it, "and he's still got a few more years to keep growing."

"Remember, that was quite a few months ago," Kenny reminded them, "he could be even bigger now and I'm willing to bet it's thickened out some."

"All that lovely meat," Stan sighed, "it seems a shame to waste it on girls." He felt himself hardening, despite the cold.

"That's just it - Cartman doesn't date." Kenny interrupted Stan's musings, "I think that his mom's behaviour has soured the whole sex thing for him. It's like he's been so badly traumatised by the crack-whore antics of his mom - that he's had to listen to and deal with all of his life. I personally think that he's repressing all his sexual urges."

"Is that possible?" Kyle asked.

"Hey, I've searched his room and have never found a single porn mag. I've checked his internet history, he doesn't visit any porn websites." Kenny paused, "What teen guy doesn't visit porn websites?"

"But you said you caught him jerking off," Stan pointed out.

"It was how he was doing it," Kenny insisted, "there was no joy in it. It was like he was a robot or was having to carry out an unpleasant chore."

"If it's like you say," Kyle finally spoke, "he must be really fucked up."

Kenny glared at Kyle, "If you were his friend you'd try to think up some way to help him."

"It's pretty obvious what Cartman needs," Stan stated, crossing his legs in a bid to hide his growing erection, "he's only ever seen sex as something cynical that his mom does to earn money. He needs to be taught that real sex is about love. Loving the person you're with and them loving you in return. Caring more about your partners pleasure than your own."

"And how could anyone teach him that?" Kenny asked, "If anyone tried anything with Cartman he'd jump a mile. Then he'd probably follow it up with, at best a barrage of insults and throwing the person out, at worst he may even get violent."

"Kenny's right Stan," Kyle decided, "Cartman's not worth the effort. He's not even attractive anyway."

Stan looked at Kyle, "He's our friend and he needs our help. I know that you and Cartman fight all the time - but are you really going to walk away from this one?"

"You just want a chance to see his giant dick," Kyle teased Stan and shoved him gently, while giving in gracefully.

"I wouldn't even suggest this if I didn't think it was in Cartman's best interests," Stan insisted.

"Suggest what?" Kenny asked, looking puzzled.

"We arrange a sleepover and the three of us seduce him," Stan answered.

"Four," chipped in Kyle, "don't forget that Butters likes Cartman and would want to be in on this too."

"Would Butters be up for something like this?" Stan wondered.

"We'd have to explain how it was all to help Eric," Kyle replied, "then he'd be in it all the way."

"Kenny we need to make some plans," Stan said, "we'll buy you a burger and fries if you'll help us with this."

"OK," said Kenny, "but I'm doing this for Cartman, not for free food."

The three boys set off towards town.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 5**

"So let me see if ah've got this straight Kenneh," Cartman was lounging on his sofa, talking to his friend during the commercials, "you want me to have a sleep-over here for our friends?"

"Yeah," Kenny grinned nervously, "me and you, Stan, Kyle and Butters. It would be awesome."

"And you don't think that we're, perhaps, a little too old for sleep-overs?" Cartman asked, his eyebrow raised.

"I miss hanging out as a group," Kenny whined, "and anyway, Craig and those guys had a sleep-over just last week."

"There's a couple of differences between Craig's group and us Kenneh," Cartman said, "firstly Craig's a dick and secondly Token has a huge mansion for them to hang out in."

Kenny pressed up against Cartman on the sofa and tugged at his arm, "C'mon Cartman, it'll be fun."

"Ah don't see why it has to be at my house," Cartman groused, conceding to the idea of a sleep-over.

"Because my house is crap and Stan's and Kyle's houses are full of parents who'd spoil our fun and get in the way."

"What's wrong with Butters' place?" Cartman asked, not willing to give up just yet.

"Butters doesn't have any of the kewl shit that you have," Kenny pointed out, "no Xbox 360, no PS3, no Wii, no HDTV - y'know all the stuff that makes life bearable."

"Fine," Cartman said, finally giving in to his friend, "just shut up so ah can watch my show."

Cartman hadn't even noticed that Kenny had remained pressed up against him after they had finished talking. The poor boy smiled at how oblivious his friend was to any sort of flirting or sexual teasing. It was like part of Cartman's mind refused to acknowledge it was happening, so he ignored it or dismissed it as nothing.

"Stan and Kyle are paying for the pizza's though," Cartman muttered as he settled down.

* * *

After sitting through an hour or so of mindless TV, Cartman decided that he was hungry, "Kenneh," he poked his friend, "go into the kitchen and get me snacks."

Kenny didn't argue, he just got up with a quick stretch and headed for the kitchen, "Do you want a soda as well?" He asked before leaving the room.

"Yes ah want a soda," Cartman replied, as if his answer was obvious, before returning his attention to the screen.

Kenny smiled as he entered the kitchen. He had learnt years ago not to fill large bowls with food to share - because Cartman always claimed the whole bowl and emptied it. Instead, now he fetched out a variety of things from the cupboards. He knew where everything was kept, as he had been doing this for years. Sometimes the only food he had to eat was whatever he could sneak off Cartman, he had become an expert at it over the years.

Kenny returned to the living room with the snacks and sat back down next to the larger boy, dumping everything he had brought onto the coffee table in front of them. Cartman immediately grabbed the box of cheesy poofs and ripped them open.

"What's with that pack of cookies," Cartman asked his friend, before he started to eat.

"Your mom got them, I guess they must be on sale or something," Kenny replied. "Six different variety's of cookie in one pack."

"But ah don't like raisin cookies," Cartman complained - two of the six types were raisin.

"Don't worry," Kenny said, "I'll eat them for you."

"Kenneh?" Cartman looked puzzled. He was used to the poor boy slyly taking his food. Cartman actually found it entertaining to watch and it made Kenny feel more comfortable than having to accept charity - but the blonde wasn't usually this brazen about it.

"You know your mom won't buy any more until they're all eaten," Kenny pointed out.

"Ah guess you can have them," Cartman said, "ah'd only be throwing them out otherwise."

"Thanks dude," Kenny used the opportunity to snuggle closer to his friend.

"Ah guess it doesn't harm for you to have a soda as well," Cartman added, noticing the second soda can on the table, "ah wouldn't want you choking on cookie crumbs and dying on me again."

Kenny grinned, slightly embarrassed. He had choked to death on cookie crumbs, at school, a couple of months ago.

Despite appearances to the contrary, Cartman had noticed that Kenny was acting stranger than usual around him. At first he had thought that his friend had caught a cold or something, as Kenny was always shivering and trying to press up against him for warmth. But the poor boy wasn't showing any other symptoms of a bug, so Cartman had concluded that his friend was suffering withdrawal from some sort of drug. It wouldn't have been the first time, Kenny was willing to try anything and only his lack of funds prevented him from becoming an out-and-out addict.

After Cartman's show had finished he casually asked his friend, "Are you wanting to stop here again tonight?"

Kenny just nodded and yawned sleepily.

Cartman sniffed at his friend pointedly, "You need a shower Kenneh, your clothes probably need washing as well."

Kenny stared at his friend, his big blue eyes wide, "If you say so," he finally answered with - emptying his pockets onto the coffee table.

Cartman watched as Kenny stripped down to his underwear, "Them as well Kenneh," he chided, "they'll need to be washed most of all."

Kenny just dropped his shorts like it wasn't a big deal for him. He certainly didn't want to say anything to make Cartman feel uncomfortable. He watched as Eric gathered his clothes into a pile.

Cartman saw that his friend was just standing there. The poor boy must be more out of it than usual, he thought to himself, "Kenneh, go get your shower," Cartman pointed up the stairs, "and you better scrub yourself all over, ah expect you to be properly clean when you've finished."

On saying this, Cartman headed off to the basement with his armfuls of Kenny's clothes. He was used to telling his friend what to do and expected the blonde boy to fall into line.

Kenny rushed upstairs and into the bathroom. Cartman was right about him needing a shower. Other friends might have been more tactful about it but Kenny didn't mind. His best friend was looking out for him - but in a way that made it look like he was only doing it for himself, typical Cartman. Kenny started the shower and got the water to the right temperature.

Meanwhile Cartman had loaded his friends clothes into the washer-dryer. It would run through the night and Kenny's clothes would be ready for him in the morning. They would be creased but they would also be warm and dry and clean. Kenny wasn't the type of person to complain about a few creases.

His task finished, Eric left the basement and went upstairs to his room. He now had the unenviable task of trying to find something for Kenny to wear. He knew that his own clothes were too big but he had thought of something while loading Kenny's shorts into the washer.

As kids, Cartman and all his friends had been huge Terrance and Phillip fans. The show had caused all sorts of problems for them - not the least, Kyle's mom starting a war with Canada. Being young and impressionable, they had bought into the merchandising of the Terrance and Phillip brand. Stan and Kyle always wore Terrance and Phillip pyjamas and had sleeping bags to match. Eric, on the other hand, had a couple of pairs of boxer shorts depicting the Canadians - that he'd worn until he grew out of them. Even after they were too small for him, he had kept them out of nostalgia and the hope of them being worth something one day. He remembered them now and started to hunt for them in the bottom of his closet. After a few minutes of burrowing he found them, wrapped in a plastic bag. He took out a pair and held them up to compare the size, yes they would fit Kenny.

Cartman shook his head, his friend must be really malnourished if he could fit into clothes designed for a ten year old. Still Kenny wouldn't complain, if anything, he would be grateful for the show of kindness. He laid out the clean boxers on the end of his bed before starting to get changed himself.

When Kenny entered Cartman's bedroom a few minutes later, he saw his friend just fastening the last few buttons on his pyjama top. He decided to take the opportunity to tease his fat friend, "I'm all clean for you, like you wanted. Now how do you want me?"

Cartman ignored Kenny's innuendo, he was used to it after all the years of being his friend, "I sorted out some boxers that should fit you," he said, indicating towards them, "now put them on and hurry up into bed."

"Not exactly the most romantic chat up line," Kenny sniggered as he slid beside his friend, under the covers.

"Kenneh think with something other than your dick for once," Cartman chided his friend before reaching to turn out the light.

"Night sexy," Kenny joked as he snuggled down into the comfortable bed.

"Keep that up Kenneh and ah'll send you home," Cartman said, half-joking.

"You love me really," Kenny murmured as he relaxed into sleep.

Cartman lay on his back, listening to his friend's gentle breathing. It was soothing in a way that was hard to describe. Not that Eric was thinking about anything other than sleep, he just found it easier if someone else was close to him. He didn't feel so alone. It helped with his nightmares as well.

"Night Kenneh, sleep well," Cartman whispered as he shut his eyes.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I love writing scenes where Kenny is teasing Cartman, for me anyway, Kenny is the only person who can really get away with it._

_Just so everyone knows - this story is supposed to be humorous and not to be taken so seriously. I originally came up with the idea for this as a long one-shot. Unfortunately I'm incapable of writing a smutty one-shot, I get too into the back-story behind it. So I was left with the first half-dozen chapters of a much longer, than I intended, story._

_I've written 11 chapters now so I'll try to type up and post them as soon as I can, cell12._


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 6**

Cartman didn't feel awkward at all, when he woke in the morning with Kenny wrapped in his arms. He knew that he was a cuddler and regularly grabbed onto things in his sleep, to hug. Kenny had slept over enough time for it to not bother him either. the blonde boy wouldn't usually say anything, knowing that it would only make his friend uncomfortable. Cartman detached himself from his friend and tried to slide quietly out of the bed.

"Morning Cartman," Kenny stretched lazily.

"You're awake," Cartman stated.

"I have been for a while," Kenny replied, smiling at the larger boy, "I was enjoying feeling warm for once."

Cartman flushed a grin in return, "Your clothes are probably still in the washer-dryer," he said, hinting to his friend to go fetch them.

"Can't I just stay in bed a while longer?" Kenny asked jokingly, "You could rejoin me."

"And miss out on breakfast?" Cartman shook his head, "Ah'm hungry and frankly Kenneh, ah think you're in need of feeding up."

Kenny stared at Cartman, normally the larger boy acted like he couldn't care less about his friends.

"Either I'm still dreaming or you're turning soft on me Eric," Kenny didn't use Cartman's first name very often, when he did it was usually because the Fat-ass was acting out of character.

"God dammit Kenneh!" Cartman shouted, "Ah try to do something nice for once and you just have to piss me off."

"Sorry," Kenny mumbled, "I guess I'm just not used to you doing anything nice for anyone."

"If this is how you'll behave, ah won't make a habit of it," Cartman said indignantly.

"Aw, don't be like that," Kenny pouted, "didn't last night mean anything to you?"

Cartman cast his friend a dirty look and stormed out of the room. It really annoyed him how Kenny turned everything he said into a crude sexual innuendo. He barged into the bathroom and turned the shower on, allowing the water time to adjust while he stripped off his pyjamas. "Stupid poor boy," he muttered, soaping himself up with his favourite oversized sponge. Cartman finally closed his eyes and started to relax, Kenny was just being Kenny. He teased and flirted with everyone.

Cartman was jolted out of his relaxed state by the sound of the bathroom door opening. He wrenched his eyes open, despite the soapy suds on his face - and saw Kenny, naked and climbing into the shower with him.

"Room for a little one?" Kenny asked cheekily, clearly ignoring Cartman's looks of outrage.

"What the fuck," Cartman finally managed to say.

"I need a shower," Kenny stated like it was obvious.

"You had a shower last night," Cartman argued.

"My pits smell," Kenny responded with, "here, you smell them," the blonde boy lifted up his arm and pressed himself up against his friend.

Cartman was almost bending down to sniff before he realised what he was doing, "Even if you did need it, you should have waited until after ah had finished."

"Aw, no fun," Kenny said, grabbing the sponge out of Cartman's hands, "and anyway, all your talk about food has made me hungry."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Cartman tried to regain some ground in the argument. He pointedly turned his back on his friend.

"When I went to fetch my clothes, I saw your mom making pancakes. It I'd waited, you would have eaten them all," Kenny had started to soap up Cartman's back, grinning as he worked.

Cartman yelped and tried to move away - but there was nowhere else to go. He didn't want to turn back to face Kenny, the physical contact was making him slightly hard and he knew that the poor boy would make a big deal about it.

"You don't have to do that," Cartman finally said.

"But I want to," Kenny said, letting the sponge play over Cartman's ass before his fingers followed.

Cartman eeped and turned around, "You're just using this as an excuse to feel meh up," he said snatching the sponge back.

"Aw you noticed," Kenny admitted, "now you wash my back," the blonde boy turned.

Cartman started soaping up his friend's back without thinking. Kenny had him so flustered that he had just complied. He gritted his teeth and continued - trying to get through the ordeal as quickly as possible.

"Humm, that feels good," Kenny said as Cartman worked the sponge over his shoulder blades.

"God dammit Kenneh," Cartman complained, "stop acting like this is foreplay or something."

"It isn't?" Kenny asked sounding disappointed.

"Ah'm done," Cartman said dropping the sponge and stepping out, "you do what you want."

Kenny slyly watched as his friend dried himself. He doesn't even realise how much of a hunk he is, Kenny thought. He might be a bit chunky, but it suits him and he has the muscle to carry it off.

"Don't take too long Kenneh or ah might eat all the pancakes," Cartman said, unaware of how Kenny was hungrily eyeing him. He hurried out of the room to get dressed.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Sorry that this has been a longer-than-usual wait between chapters. Blame my annoying older brothers. One had been hogging the internet playing on his PS3, the other had been bothering me when I've wanted to type._

_The sleep-over (and the Cartman slash) is still a few chapters away, in case anyone is wondering._


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.  
I also don't own any other cartoon TV shows mentioned in passing.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 7**

Eric sat quietly beside his mother as they drove to the mall. The radio was tuned to a soft rock/country fusion channel that only played the songs that didn't offend anyone - in other words crappy. He tried to tune out the music and his mom's occasional comments, returning her words with a worn-out smile. It wasn't that he needed, or even wanted, to go to the mall today - but he did need to avoid Kenny for a few hours.

He couldn't help but think about Kenny's weird behaviour last night and especially this morning. If it had been anyone else, he would have immediately accused them of being gay - but Kenny had his reputation from sleeping with half the girls in school. He suspected that his friend was just teasing him or maybe Kenny thought that he was gay and was trying to get him to confess? That pissed Cartman off, just because he hadn't had a girlfriend and he showed no interest in girls - that didn't automatically mean he was gay. He'd shown no interest in guys either. Seriously, if he'd wanted to have sex with a guy, it would be pretty easy for him to manipulate Butters into bed. The effeminate boy was really gullible and tended to cling to Eric at school for protection. Not that Cartman minded protecting his friends - it made him feel good about himself. Cartman considered the idea of having sex with a guy and it didn't disgust him. He wasn't obsessed with it or anything - it was just that, since Kyle and Stan got together, it was only natural for him to wonder what they did in bed. If he was truthful with himself - the idea of having sexual contact with anyone, male or female, scared him. Casual sex was not something he understood or wanted. His mother's behaviour had taught him nothing about real relationships and nothing about love - but he knew, instinctively, that he would never be able to sleep around.

Cartman jumped out of the car the second they arrived, leaving his mom to spend time hunting down a parking space. He darted inside, heading for the concession stands, hungry for a sugar fix. The mall was small and crappy, just like the town it resided in.

Cartman groaned as he got to the chocolate pretzel booth. It wasn't the queue that bothered him, rather the boy at the head of the queue - Butters Stotch. Eric didn't hate the effeminate blonde, he just found him annoying most of the time. It wasn't even the way that Butters clung to him, although that was really gay, it was more the fact that Butters seemed oblivious to how cruel and nasty the real world was. Butters tripped through life like it was an episode of one of those lame cartoon shows made for girls under the age of six. Cartman could just see his friend in an episode of Care Bears, Dora the Explorer or Strawberry Shortcake. The idiot would probably love it too.

Sadly for Cartman, Butters had spotted him and the boy waved madly while shouting, "Hey Eric!" At the top of his lungs.

Cartman sighed, he had hoped to sneak away and avoid having to be seen with Butters. It was bad enough at school - but the mall was where kids came to hang out and act kewl. As Butters ran over a worse thought hit Cartman, what if people got the idea that they were here together on a date! He looked around - desperately hoping for an excuse to jump into his mind, something he could say to brush Butters off, sadly nothing came to him. All he could do was hope that no-one who knew him would see the two of them together.

"Hey Butters," Cartman replied, resigning himself to the blonds company.

"I got you a chocolate pretzel," Butters said, handing over the treat, "it's got fudge bits stuck on it."

Cartman bit into the snack, enjoying the salty, fudgy, chocolaty goodness, "What are you doing at the mall?" He finally asked after devouring his treat.

"I came to get myself some new trainers," Butters answered.

"For gym class or to wear outside?" Cartman wasn't really that interested but sometimes he liked to see just how impractical Butters was.

"They're for every day," Butters answered, opening his bag and showing Eric the contents.

Cartman peered into the bag, "Converse! You bought Converse? Butters we live in a town where it snows for 10 months out of the year. How could you possibly think that canvas pumps are appropriate foot attire?"

"Well," Butters mashed his knuckles together, "I think they look nice and I can draw rainbows and cute kitty's on them."

Cartman shook his head in disbelief, drawing on Converse shoes was something that only really lame girls did.

"C'mon Butters," Eric grabbed the smaller boys arm, "we'll take these back and get you something more practical."

"OK Eric," Butters easily agreed. He like the shoes he had chosen but maybe Eric was right about them not being suitable for South Park's weather.

Cartman had noticed the look on Butters' face, "Butters, if you really like these then keep them," he watched as the blonde boy's face lit up, "but you'll still need something more practical to cope with the weather."

Butters nodded in agreement and started to skip towards the shoe store. Somehow he'd managed to loop his arm around Cartman's and it was now the larger boy that was being lead.

Cartman sighed, accepting that there was nothing he could do about Butters' behaviour - it was going to be a long day.

The mall only had one shoe shop and Butters guided Eric right to it. Sadly, for Cartman, Clyde was working there today and he didn't waste any time in acknowledging the two boys.

"Hello Butters, hello Cartman," Clyde said in his monotone nasal voice.

"Hi Clyde," Cartman replied, sounding downbeat. He was expecting all kinds of gay jokes now.

"If you're interested, we've got a sale on women's sling-backs over there," Clyde pointed while holding his other hand over his mouth, to hide his sniggers.

Cartman winced as Butters turned to look in the direction Clyde had indicated - an expression of interest on his face.

"Why are you telling us about it?" Cartman asked, getting more pissed-off by the second.

"Well you might be here to buy a gift for your mother or girlfriend," Clyde sniggered again on the word girlfriend, before breaking down into full laughter.

Cartman stepped into Clyde's personal space, "And what's so funny about me having a girlfriend?"

"Dude," Clyde took a step back, "I just saw you skipping through the mall with Butters - you're still holding hands now."

Cartman looked down and saw that he was still clutching Butters' hand. He dropped it immediately.

"Unless you class Butters as a chick," Clyde added, "he's gay enough."

Both boys looked over at Butters - he was staring at a pair of girls ballet slippers in the sportswear display.

Cartman shook his head, it was hard to believe that anyone could be that gay. Sometimes he wondered if Butters was putting on an act and secretly laughing at the whole town.

* * *

_**Authors Note:** Not the perfect place to leave off - but hey, a quick update._

_It's time to come clean with all my readers. One of the reasons why I wanted to write this story was to see if I was able to write convincing Carters and Kenman slash. Honestly, is it good? Believable Let me know._

_I want a fudge sprinkled chocolate pretzel it sounds so deliciously unhealthy._

_Just so everyone knows, I don't hate Converse trainers. Also - if you've got a pair that you've drawn on, I don't think you're lame. I just think that canvas pumps aren't the sort of shoes anyone would wear if you have to walk through snow and slush every day. I've read a few South Park stories where the characters are wearing Converse, it always makes me think that the writer hasn't experienced a lot of winter weather. I've seen fan artists making the same mistake - and yes it bugs me._

_I keep wanting to send Kyman love to all my readers - but this story will also include other Cartman slash pairings. Lol, cell12._


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 8**

Cartman grabbed Butters' arm and directed him to a display further back in the store, "These are the sorts of shoes you want," he told his friend, "they're designed for walking on packed snow and ice. Ideal for South Park weather." Cartman pulled a shoe off the rack, "You're size six, aren't you Butters." He looked around, Butters had moved over to another display.

"These are the same shoes Eric," Butters exclaimed, "but in nicer colours."

"Those are the women's version of the same shoe," Cartman tried to explain.

"They have my size," Butters squealed, grabbing a pair in baby blue.

Cartman shuddered, he knew already how this was going to end up. He could barely bring himself to watch as Butters tried on the blue shoes, followed by similar types of shoe in pink and lemon.

"I can't decide," Butters finally said - after half-an-hour of switching over shoes, "which do you think looks best Eric?"

Cartman screwed his eyes closed - he could hear Clyde laughing in the background, he didn't need to see the ass-hole as well.

"Ah don't know Butters," not the pink Cartman thought - let me get out of here with some dignity in tact. "The blue matches your eyes," he finally managed to say, "and the lemon your hair."

"What about the pink?" Butters asked, "I kinda like them."

"They're nice," Cartman lied, "but they seem like the sort of thing Bebe might wear." He knew that Butters disliked Bebe - ever since she dismissed Glee, Butters' favourite TV show, as mindless crap taking money away from real musicians.

Butters pushed the pink shoes back on the shelf as if they were diseased, "Maybe you're right Eric, they do seem a bit common."

Cartman had taken about enough of Clyde laughing in the background and decided to turn the tables on him.

"Excuse me," Cartman proclaimed loudly, "assistant! My friend can't decide between these two pairs of shoes, which ones do you recommend?"

Clyde reluctantly moved over towards Eric and Butters. Cartman was sitting on the box seats put there for customers, so they could sit while trying on shoes. Butters was standing there, just in his socks, with one of each of the shoes in his hands.

"How am I supposed to know," Clyde told them, "I only work here because my dad owns the store and he makes me."

Cartman eyed up Clyde's dazed expression alongside Butters confused smile, "Aren't you here to advise the customer? It could take all day to get Butters to chose."

Clyde shuddered, by the way the Fat-ass was eyeing him, he knew that Cartman would make his life hell if he was forced to spend all day here.

"There is an easy solution to this problem Clyde," Cartman spoke with a conspiratorial tone, like he was the serpent from the garden of Eden.

"There is?" Clyde looked hopeful, maybe Cartman would go easy on him.

"Butters could afford both pairs if you gave us a store discount," Cartman explained reasonably, "it would be worth it to get us out of the store."

Clyde nodded, he could see Cartman and Butters trying on every shoe in the store if he didn't give in. "OK, just don't tell anyone I did this."

"I get to keep both of you," Butters said, addressing the shoes in his hands and hugging them.

"Put your own shoes back on Butters and those in their boxes," Cartman instructed - as he watched Clyde move off towards the register.

Cartman got up and moved quickly around the store, grabbing a few items while Butters was getting ready. He finally rejoined the blonde boy and they made their way to the till together.

Clyde looked baffled as the two boys dumped their shoe boxes onto the counter. As well as the two pairs Butters was buying - Cartman had picked up some brown boots and white gym trainers for himself and a pair of women s shoes for his mother.

"What's this?" Clyde asked, gesturing towards Cartman's pile.

"It was your suggestion Clyde," Cartman replied, "you recommended that ah buy my mom some shoes as a gift. Her birthday is coming up in another month, so ah thought why not splash out - since my good friend Clyde has generously offered to let us use his store discount."

Clyde just nodded and started to cash up. There was no point arguing with Cartman, he could talk the rings around just about anyone. Clyde considered himself lucky that it was only five pairs of shoes, it could have been so much worse.

As they were leaving, with their new purchases, Cartman turned - giving Clyde one last thing to think about, "If you start any rumours about me and Butters at school, ah'll let everyone know that you give a discount to guys who flirt with you."

Butters giggled and clutched his purchases tighter.

The Fat-ass smiled as he saw Clyde's mouth drop open, "And ah've got the receipts to prove it too."

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Another quick update - I'll try to post again over the weekend._

_Rafi - You're right about Cartman being slightly nicer in this story than how I usually write him, he's still a manipulating Fat-ass though. I guess I made him nicer to justify having both Kenny and Butters crushing on him._

_C-ya soon, cell12._


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 9**

Cartman had nearly cancelled the sleep-over. Three times he'd picked up the phone, intending to call it off - but had dismissed his anxieties as stupid. He wasn't quite sure what it was that was bothering him. Maybe it was the idea of having to spend more time with Butters after being with him at the mall all morning. Maybe it was Kenny's flirting - which had gone way past a joke and was starting to get a bit creepy. Or perhaps it was the eager way Stan and Kyle had accepted their invitations. It just seemed wrong - Kyle being enthusiastic to spend time with him. Even when he'd told the two boys - you're not allowed to fuck each other in my house - they'd still seemed way too happy.

Cartman had tidied up, well as much as he ever would anyway, and sorted out snacks and dips. His mom had informed him that she would be out all night, no doubt getting high and getting fucked but not necessarily in that order, giving him and his friends the house to themselves. He'd given Kenny some money to get beers with the instructions, get a decent tasting brand - not the cheep crap your dad usually buys. Kenny had cheerfully snatched the money out of his hands and before leaving had given the larger boy a sly wink and a waved kiss goodbye. Cartman seriously had no idea what was going on in his friend's head. Kenny had been acting weird ever since his brother left a few months ago.

Cartman was snapped into action by the sound of knocking on his front door. He guessed it would be Kenny, returning with the beers, or Butters, who had a habit of arriving really early for everything he was invited to. Instead it was Stan and Kyle at the door.

"Hey Cartman," Stand greeted as he moved inside.

"Stan, Jew," Cartman said in reply.

Kyle sighed, he was so used to being called Jew by the Fat-ass that it no longer carried any meaning.

"Where's your sleeping bags?" Cartman asked the pair - eyeing up their small bags.

"We didn't think that we would need them," Kyle answered, "Kenny said that you've got a big bed and that you're more than happy to share it."

"God damn poor boy," Cartman cursed out-loud, "he shouldn't go around telling people shit like that."

"Relax dude, we don't mind. We like sharing a bed as well," Stan gave Cartman a knowing look.

"Ah'll kill Kenneh when ah get mah hands on him," Cartman started to rant.

"Don't worry Cartman, Kenny didn't reveal anything about what the two of you get up to in bed," Kyle pointed out, a teasing smile on his lips.

"We haven't got up to anything," Cartman insisted, "we don't do anything in bed except sleep."

"Oh we believe you Cartman," Kyle answered, "it's much easier to clean up afterwards if you do it on top of the bed before you get under the covers."

Cartman was interrupted from his lunge at Kyle by a voice coming from the, still open, front door.

"Hey fellas, I'm not early am I," Butters looked around, "because if I am - I could go walk around for a while or something."

"God dammit Butters," Cartman exclaimed, "get in here."

The blonde boy dutifully entered the house his eyes searching around the room - as if he was expecting some sort of trap. "Kenny told me that I didn't need a sleeping bag or pyjamas. I've got some nice new ones as well."

Cartman wince, "It's fine Butters, apparently Kenny has been saying all sorts of crap."

Butters blinked for a few seconds - it was as if he was unsure whether Cartman was angry with him or not. "I'm sorry but I couldn't get hold of any alcohol. My mom keeps it locked up and I didn't dare ask her."

"That reminds me," Stan said pulling open his bag, "I've got this." Stan brought out a three-quarter full bottle of whisky.

"Nice," Cartman said taking hold of the bottle, "how did you get it?"

"Every time my parents have a party, I offer to help with the cleaning up afterwards. it's easy to sneak a bottle or two of wine or spirits away." The black-haired boy grinned, "They don't know how much has been drunk the night before and they're certainly not up to taking inventory the morning after."

"Stan stashes the bottles away in a locked box in his old tree-house," Kyle chipped in.

"My parents haven't held a party for a while," Stan said apologetically, "so this is all I've got left."

"No, this is kewl Stan," Cartman reassured his friend, "it'll go down nice with cola."

"Whisky and cola, a classic combination," Kenny said as he pushed open the front door with his shoulder. In his arms was a heavy case of beers.

"Kenny's brought beer," Kyle stated, moving to help carry the crate into the kitchen.

"He may have got them but ah paid for them," Cartman was eager to point out.

"How did you get hold of a crate of beer Kenny?" Stan wondered, "I thought your supply line was cut off, now that your brother's gone."

"One of his friends is working the same deal my brother used to," Kenny explained, "fifty percent above retail price - just like Kev used to charge."

Cartman had already followed into the kitchen and was opening his first bottle of beer, "Since me and Kenneh got the beers and Stan brought a sweet bottle of whisky - it's up to Kahl and Butters to pay for the pizzas."

"I'm sorry Kyle, but I don't have any money," Butters mumbled nervously while standing in the kitchen doorway. "I spent all my allowance savings on shoes at the mall this morning."

"Moses dammit," Kyle grumbled, reaching for his wallet and checking the contents. "It's OK Butters, I've got enough cash to pay for a couple of pizzas - you'll owe me though."

"Stop being such a tight-fisted Jew Kahl," Cartman said.

"Shut up Fat-ass," Kyle and Stan said together.

"Tonight's gonna be the best sleep-over ever," Kenny exclaimed - grabbing Butters and pulling him over to the sofa, "you can choose the first game we play."

Butters shuffled through the pile of video games that Cartman had left spread out. They seemed to mostly be violent fighting games with lots of gore - there were no Hello Kitty games or anything else even remotely cute, "Oh hamburgers," he said.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I'm going to be pretty busy over the next few months - so I'll probably only be able to post at weekends._

_Kyman love to all my readers, reviewers and all those who fav/alert me or my stories - cell12._


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

I also don't own Aliens or Scrubs which are referenced in this chapter.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 10**

They played video games for a while before Cartman reminded Kyle to phone in the order for pizza's.

"What should I get?" Kyle asked as he typed in the number for Shakeys.

"You know what I like dude," Stan answered.

"I'll bet he does," Kenny whispered to Cartman and they both sniggered.

"Nothing too spicy please," Butters said, ignoring the smutty innuendo, "I've got a delicate stomach."

"I don't care," Kenny took his turn replying, "as long as you get extra toppings."

Kyle's eyes move from friend to friend as they answered before finally resting on Cartman.

"Everyone likes peperoni," Cartman suggested.

"Sorry Cartman, peperoni is made with pork," Kyle held his finger over the call button.

"You don't have to eat the peperoni Kahl," Cartman grumbled, "get what you like on the other pizza."

"It's the principal of the thing Cartman," Kyle tried to explain, "even though I wouldn't be eating it I would still have bought and paid for it."

"So you won't but a peperoni pizza because you're a Jew?" Cartman looked incredulous.

"Pretty much."

"God dammit Jews suck," Cartman complained.

"That one does anyway, eh Stan," Kenny nudged Stan, hoping to provoke a response.

"Just choose something else Fat-ass," Stan told Cartman, refusing to rise to Kenny's teasing.

Cartman considered asking for ham and pineapple or meat feast - but the looks he was getting told him that the joke wouldn't be appreciated.

"Fine," Cartman said rolling his eyes, "get what you want. As long as there's no mushrooms or shellfish crap."

Kyle nodded and phoned in his order, "They said twenty-five minutes," he told his friends.

"That's just enough time to play the Scrubs drinking game," Cartman exclaimed.

"How do you play?" Stan asked.

"It's pretty simple really," Cartman explained, "you just take a drink every time JD acts like a pathetic douche."

"If we did that," Kenny laughed, "I don't think that anybody could sit through a whole episode without getting drunk."

"Ah know," Cartman admitted, "that's what makes it such a kewl drinking game."

"Is Scrubs even on tonight?" Stan asked.

"Pft," Cartman dismissed Stan's doubts. "That show is such a whore. They sell the repeat rights to dozens of channels. There's bound to be an episode on somewhere."

"I don't like that show," Butters chipped in, "it's supposed to be a comedy but when I watch it I end up feeling all depressed."

"Are we doing this or not?" Cartman asked.

"I'm in," Kenny replied straight away.

"It's got to be better than watching Scrubs sober," Stan answered while flicking through the TV channels with the remote.

"I'll only do it if everyone else does," Kyle insisted.

"Butters, down to you," Cartman's eyes rested on the smaller boy, "are you man enough?"

"I'm plenty manly," Butters tried to act all indignant, "my mom won't find out - will she?"

"I've found an episode just starting," Stan informed everyone, turning up the volume before dropping the remote onto the coffee table,

"Do the titles count for the game Cartman?" Kenny asked - he liked to take his drinking games seriously.

"Yep," Cartman answered taking his first shot of whisky and cola, before washing it down with a mouthful of beer.

* * *

They continued drinking up until the first commercials, each of them having three more shots.

"Kenneh, ah don't think that Stan's whisky is going to last out the show. Go up to my mom's room and get a bottle of vodka out of her drinks cabinet," Cartman directed his friend. "She hides the key underneath the small wooden jewellery box on her dresser."

Kenny nodded and scampered off.

"So how are you handling the booze Butters?" Kyle asked.

"I'm OK," Butters insisted, stretching out the fingers on his right hand and staring at them, "I've just never played a drinking game before."

"Here's something kewl you can do Butters," Cartman grinned at Stan and Kyle. "Stretch out your arm as far as you can," the smaller boy followed the instructions, "then slowly bring your hand towards your face until you use it to partly cover both your eyes." The boys watched at Butters did this a few times.

"What's the point Cartman?" Stan asked, after trying it out a few times.

"It lets you see what it would be like if a face-hugger from Aliens jumped on you," Cartman explained like it was obvious.

"This is stupid," Kyle complained - after secretly seeing what it was like himself.

"You're not drunk enough to appreciate its brilliance Kahl," Cartman insisted.

Kenny bounded back down the stairs, bottle in his hands, "I see Cartman's got you all playing face-hugger," he giggled.

"There's something you're not telling us Fat-ass," Kyle accused.

"Other than that you guys look like idiots?" Cartman started to laugh, "So funny."

Stan had stopped and looked across at Butters who was still trying it, "It does look really silly Kyle."

"God damn it Cartman," Kyle said, throwing a cushion at the larger boy.

"You're just annoyed because you fell for it Jew," Cartman laughed again.

"Fell for what fellas?" Butters asked, looking around with his hand still placed over his face.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Normally I would apologise for the long delay but, because of an insulting reviewer, I don't think I'll bother. I'd like to think that I've got a good reputation for fast, regular updates - at least I try. Sadly, my cable and internet has been down since the middle of December. Anyone who feels let-down - be angry with my cable service provider, not me._

_The Scrubs drinking game is entirely my idea, so full credit goes to me if anyone else copies it or does something similar. I don't hate Scrubs, so fans of the show, no hate reviews please - but, here in the UK at least, it seems to be on every other channel every night._

_The face-hugger game is also an invention of mine. Try it out at a party and see how many people you can get to do it. It does look so funny when you have a bunch of people doing it all at once._

_I was unable to wish all my readers a Merry Christmas but I can offer up a Happy New Year. Kyman love to you all, cell12._


	11. Chapter 11

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

WARNING: This Chapter features sexual scenes.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 11**

"Cartman," Kyle turned his attention to the larger boy, "Kenny's been saying that you've got a big cock."

They had been at Cartman's house for a few hours now. The whiskey, vodka and most of the beers were drunk. It had been Kenny's suggestion that they take the last of the beer up to Cartman's bedroom and stripped down to their sleep clothes - so they would be more comfortable. Cartman had left his shorts and t-shirt on, rather than change into his pyjamas, so he would look like everyone else - except Kenny, who had no shirt on and was wearing the boxers that Cartman had leant him the other night.

Kyle had actually been impressed with the new furniture in Cartman's bedroom. Liane had turned the small guest room into a study room for her precious poopsykins - moving his desk and computer into there, alongside a new bookcase and a small fold-out sofa. This had freed up space in the Fat-asses bedroom to allow for a massive King-size bed - which, apparently, Eric had insisted upon. Kyle didn't really care, the bed was huge and there was room for all five of them to sit on it.

"Ah suppose," Cartman answered cautiously - he looked warily around his friends.

"I sat that you can't have much because you're too fat," Kyle insisted, poking Cartman's belly.

"Aye."

"Well?" Kyle said impatiently.

"Well what?" Cartman asked. The alcohol had taken it's toll, he wasn't thinking as quickly as usual.

"Whip it out then," Kyle explained.

"No!" Cartman shouted rather loudly - making Butters jump, "you ghays, guys, ghays just want to perve on me." As Cartman's eyes moved from face-to-face, each of his friends did seem to have an eager look in their eyes.

Kenny choked over his mouthful of beer as he seemed to find Cartman's mix up over the words gays and guys hilarious.

"Come on Cartman there's money at stake," Kenny finally said.

"How much?" Cartman asked.

Kenny rocked back and forth before answering, "Fifty dollars, I made a bet with Kyle."

Cartman thought for a second, "Ah get half of your winnings."

Kenny muttered an insult under his breath before reluctantly agreeing, "Fine."

Cartman lowered his shorts, just enough, to reveal a large six inch limp cock. He looked fiercely at Kyle, "Satisfied?"

Kyle shook his head, "No, you could be one of those people who just firm up but don't increase in size when they get hard."

"Ah'm not boning up for you guys," Cartman angrily exclaimed.

"I'll help you Cartman," Kenny said, leaning forwards and crawling towards his friend.

Cartman was about to say something but he was interrupted by Kenny reaching down and touching his cock. His mouth dropped open and he froze for a second - just enough time for Kenny to get a firm hold and start playing with his dick.

"Kenneh!" Cartman was finally able to shout.

Kenny added his other hand, continuing to fondle Cartman's shaft and balls until the fatter boy was fully hard - even then he didn't stop.

"Kenneh, stop that!" Cartman shouted again, slightly desperate.

"The bet was for actual size," Kyle said - trying to make things sound as normal as possible and distract Cartman from what was happening, "Butters go get a ruler."

"Sure Kyle," Butters said, hopping off the bed and running out of the room.

Stan was mesmerised by the prize piece of meat in front of him - staring it like a round table knight finally seeing the holy grail. "I think that Kenny's going to win your bet Kyle, if anything he underestimated."

"Shut up Stan," Kyle snapped, "I can still win if Cartman looses his boner."

Cartman was feeling really uncomfortable as Kenny continued to fondle him - despite him attempts to push the poor boy off. It felt so much better than when he did it himself. What was really bothering him though, was that it didn't bother him that it was a guy making him feel so good. "Hurry up Butters!" He shouted.

Butters finally returned with a twelve inch ruler, "Will this one do?" He finally got a good look at Cartman's hard cock and swallowed nervously, "Maybe I should warm the ruler up first, so you don't shrink?"

Cartman finally pushed Kenny off him and snapped, "Shut the fuck up Butters and get on with it."

Butters climbed back onto the bed and edged forwards, "Eww it's all slimy," he pointed out.

"Don't worry Butters I know how to deal with that," Kenny said, ignoring the fat boys protests and reaching for the cock again. He slid the foreskin of the engorged member back and lowered his mouth - giving the head of Cartman's penis a tongue bath.

"Get the fucking hell off me Kenneh!" Cartman shrieked.

"OK, OK, but you taste so good," the perverted one replied - giving the end one last caress with his tongue as he moved away.

Kenny's tongue was replaced by Butters' hand and the cold plastic ruler - Cartman couldn't help but groan from the stimulation. Everyone watched closely as Butters clumsily tried to measure the length.

"It's eight and a quarter inches fellas," Butters finally announced, "and if I push this fat from the base back - there's another half inch."

"I guess I owe you fifty dollars Kenny," Kyle reluctantly admitted.

"Not so fast," Cartman said - shoving Butters aside and pulling up his shorts, "ah get half of that," he said triumphantly.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** It was hard to find a natural break-off point for this chapter. The smut is coming up soon - for those of you waiting for it._


	12. Chapter 12

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 12**

"So you've got a big cock," Kyle sneered, "it's not as if you know what to do with it."

"Shut the fuck up Kahl!"

"You're probably still a virgin," Kyle continued to taunt.

Cartman tried to respond with dignity, "Unlike you Kahl, ah'm a gentleman. Ah don't flaunt my sexual conquests in peoples faces."

"Yeah, like that's believable Fat-ass," Kyle sneered, "if you had sex you'd cum inside of a minute."

"Fuck you Kahl!"

Kyle ignored the interruption, "Then you'd fall asleep, crushing whoever you were with."

"Like you would know Kahl," Cartman's voice sounded a little hurt.

"For your information, Fat-ass, I once nailed Stan three times in a row."

Stan blushed, embarrassed that Kyle was revealing their bedroom secrets.

Kenny just rolled his eyes, used to the continuous fighting between his two friends.

"Pft," Cartman said dismissively, "that's nothing. Ah've jerked off six times in a row easy."

"Jerking off is one thing Cartman but sex is another," Kyle spoke condescendingly. "There's no way you would have the stamina to fuck more than three times in succession. For one thing you're too fat and unfit."

"Shut the fuck up Kahl," Cartman tried to pull in his stomach to hide some of his paunch, "if we had some hot chicks here ah'd show you just how much of a stud ah am."

Kyle laughed again, "You wouldn't know what to do with a hot chick Fat-ass."

"Aye!"

"If you really want to prove you're a stud Cartman, you can," Kenny interceded - finally getting sick of the argument. "You don't need any hot chicks - you could fuck us."

Cartman looked across to Kenny - staring at him like he was mad, "The fuck Kenneh?"

"I don't see a problem," Kenny shrugged his shoulders, "Stan, Kyle and Butters are gay and I'm bi - I enjoy getting fucked once in a while."

"Well ah'm straight Kenneh," Cartman tried to sound indignant, "there's no way ah would want to do something like that."

"Why not?" Kenny asked genuinely curious, "A hole's a hole."

"For you maybe," Cartman turned away disgusted.

"Don't worry about it Kenny. Cartman's too chicken shit to do anything like that," Kyle goaded.

"Ah told you, ah'm not ghay!"

"It's not gay if you're the one doing the fucking," Stan slyly pointed out, "you're only gay if you let someone fuck you."

Butters, meanwhile, was keeping quiet while nervously rubbing his knuckles together. He didn't enjoy these sorts of conversation, ones that were almost an argument. They made him feel all uncomfortable - not knowing whether to jump in and try to calm things down, or not.

"I still say that Cartman isn't capable of nailing all of us one-after-another," Kyle stated, "he'd pass out in a fat sweaty heap."

"Ah could if ah wanted to," Cartman insisted, "ah just don't want to."

"You're right Kyle," Kenny smirked, "Cartman's full of shit."

"It's not like any of us would want Cartman fucking us anyway," Stan lied - that was the whole point of arranging the sleepover. "He's not attractive and he'd have no idea what to do."

Cartman turned on Stan, "You're just saying that because you wouldn't be able to take mah big cock."

"Yes I would Fat-ass," Stan retorted, "Kyle and I use an eight inch dildo, as part of our sex play, all the time."

"A dildo is nothing like the real thing Stan," Cartman pointed out, "and anyway Butters has just measured me and ah'm way more than eight inches."

Stan was unable to think of a comeback - the thought of Cartman's cock overwhelmed him - allowing Cartman to continue, "Ah don't know why ah'm even arguing this with you. It's not like any one of you would want to take up Kenneh's perverted suggestion."

"I would," Butters spoke finally, "you'd have to hold me and kiss me like a real boyfriend if we did it though." Realising that all eyes were upon him, the effeminate boy clammed up blushing.

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't up for it," Kenny said as everyone's eyes turned to him. "Unlike Stan, I actually think that you're pretty hot," he stared at Cartman - trying to show that he meant the words being directed towards his friend.

"Is this why you've been acting weird for the last few months?" Cartman asked, "Do you have a crush on me or something?"

Kenny and Butters both nodded, which made Cartman's eyes go wide in shock, "Both of you," he asked, unable to take it in, "you both have crushes on me."

"Shut up Fat-ass," Kenny said looking slightly hurt, "there's no need to gloat."

"I can't help my feelings," Butters said rather sadly.

"And tonight was some sort of elaborate scheme to trick me into fucking both of you?" Cartman stared back and forth at the two blondes - daring them to try and deny it.

"I'm sorry," Butters confessed, "it was all Stan and Kyle's idea. They said you were sexually repressed because you're mom has sex for money rather than as part of a normal loving relationship."

Cartman's face tightened up as he listened to Butters' explanation. Who were they to judge him sexually repressed? "Ah knew that they would be involved somehow," Cartman turned to Stan and Kyle, "OK, spill it, why were you doing this?"

"We wanted to help you get over your sex phobia," Kyle admitted.

"We set this up to help you," Stan insisted.

"You thought that you'd help me by taunting me and goading me into fucking each of you - one after another?" Cartman stopped his rant to think for a second, "If Kenneh and Butters are the ones with crushes on me, why were you trying to get me to fuck all four of you?"

"That's our fault," Stan confessed, "our relationship is falling apart. We both prefer being on bottom."

"You two like me as well?" Cartman asked confused.

"No Fat-ass," Kyle snapped, "we like being fucked. We started out looking for a guy to join our relationship."

"So the four of you want to share me in some sort of regular five-some orgy?" Cartman couldn't help but laugh, "This is priceless," he managed to say between gasps.

"I knew this was a stupid idea," Kyle said turning to Stan, "I said that Cartman was too suspicious to trick into having sex with us and that it would all collapse into a big ego-trip for him."

"Ah don't think it's stupid," Cartman spoke quietly, "a bit misguided maybe - but not stupid."

"So you're not angry?" Butters asked.

"Ah'd have preferred if all of you guys had been honest with me - but having so many people want me is flattering." Cartman appeared to be slightly embarrassed, which wasn't the result Kyle had expected.

"You don't want to kill us?" Kenny asked.

"No Kenneh," Cartman sighed, "lucky that ah can hold mah drink better than you guys. If ah'd have been slightly more drunk ah might have fallen for your plan."

"There's still time," Kenny said handing Cartman a beer.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** It may seem like I'm dragging this out - and I am, I'll admit it - but there is a point to this. I'm trying to create a believable story. A smutty one-shot is fun but I wanted to do something different. Don't worry the sex scenes will be posted up, with a couple of chapters afterwards to finish off the story._

_I originally thought that this story would run to 13 chapters, I was wrong, then again I always underestimate the number of chapters._

_Rut Lance -Crystal Fairy was interested in the running order. It is as follows: Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle. And yes I plan to give each their own chapter._

_Kyman love to all my readers, cell12._


	13. Chapter 13

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of consensual sex.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 13**

Cartman looked around at his friends; Kyle was looking away - blushing and slightly ashamed, Butters was blinking at him - with the glazed look you only get from drinking, Stan was trying hard not to stare at Cartman's crotch and Kenny - well he was leaning in with a seductive expression.

"You were all serious about this?" Cartman was still finding the concept hard to get his head around.

"Yes," Kenny and Stan answered at the same time.

"Ah suppose," Cartman tried to find the right words. He was feeling embarrassed about the whole thing, "Ah might be willing to help you guys out."

"You're just messing with us, right?" Stan questioned.

"You'll want something in return," Kyle noted cynically, "so what is it? Money? Us acting as your slaves?"

"A couple of nice suggestions there Kahl," Cartman answered, "but ah'm thinking of something a little bit different."

Kyle interrupted, "Just tell us Fat-ass!"

"Patience Kahl - just for that you'll have to go last." Cartman grinned, "Firstly ah don't want anything spilling out about this - the last thing any of us want is nasty rumours spreading around town."

"Well that one is obvious," Kyle muttered.

"Secondly ah want any bedroom secrets to stay secret," Cartman continued.

"What does that mean?" Butters asked, looking around confused.

Kenny answered quickly, "It means that Cartman doesn't want us telling anyone about what he's like in bed."

"Thank you Kenneh," Cartman interrupted, "it's basically that I don't want any shit spread about me."

"Is that it, or is there more?" Kyle demanded impatiently.

"Not much more Kahl," Cartman answered, "but don't worry, it's nothing bad. This is a one-time thing - unless ah decide otherwise and doing it doesn't make me, in any way, ghay. Ah'm doing all of you a favour and ah don't want to be bugged or teased about this either."

"All that is reasonable Cartman," Stan said.

"So you all agree?" Cartman was still nervous but his own stubborn pride wouldn't allow him to back down. He watched as his friends nodded in agreement one-by-one.

"Ah take it that you guys had a plan for doing this with me?" Cartman asked.

"You've kind-of blown that out of the water," Kyle admitted.

"Still," Kenny said crawling towards the fatter boy, "we did have a running order."

"Are you alright with kissing us Cartman?" Kyle asked.

"Well ah," Cartman was cut off by Kenny pouncing on him and pushing him onto his back.

"Cartman will let us do anything," Kenny answered as he started to grind himself against his friend's belly.

"Kenneh," Cartman was clearly uncomfortable with having the boy on top of him, "ah thought that we'd be doing this one-at-a-time with nobody else in the room."

"Where's the fun in that?" Kenny asked, "If we're gonna share you, we might as well do it properly."

Cartman closed his eyes as Kenny started to nip his neck. He could feel the blonde's hands running up and down his sides as Kenny continued to grind. It was strange - feeling another person's body pressed against him. Intimate and arousing, yet terrifying at the same time. Part of Cartman wanted to push the poor boy off him, call it all off as a joke - but it felt so good and Kenny cared about him, didn't he?

Kenny had been slowly lifting up Cartman's t-shirt as he writhed, it was now rolled up to Eric's armpits - giving Kenny access to the chest and nipples. He took advantage of this by sliding down and starting to suck on one of Cartman's tits.

Stan and Kyle had positioned themselves to either side and were now tugging at Cartman's shirt.

"Lift your arms," Kyle instructed.

Cartman did as Kyle asked and the two boys pulled his shirt off, before throwing it to one side.

Cartman briefly opened his eyes, expecting the mocking taunts that had followed him all his life - Fat-ass, fat-boy, chubby and others even more cruel. Instead he only saw eyes filled with lust and excitement. Kenny lifted off him and Eric wondered what was going to happen next.

"Butters, come help me take Cartman's shorts off," Kenny said - indicating to the shyer boy who had only been a spectator from a distance so far.

Butters edged forwards and stared at Eric nervously, leaving Kenny to tug the boxers down alone.

Cartman reached forward with his left hand and grabbed Butters' hand, "Hey Butters, come closer for a second."

Butters leaned in so that their heads were close.

"You wanted to kiss me, didn't you?" Cartman asked.

Butters nodded nervously.

Cartman pulled the small boy into him and kissed him gently on the lips. At the same time he could feel a mouth engulfing the head of his cock. He moaned from the pleasure as he started to French kiss Butters, not caring how gay it was. This was hot!

Kyle and Stan had stripped off now and were using their hands to fondle Cartman's chest and belly. The larger boy had never felt so achingly hard.

"It's time for my fuck," Kenny said, after he lifted his mouth off from Cartman's cock.

Butters lifted away and sat up so he could watch.

Kenny skinned out of his Terrance and Phillip shorts and reached around to his ass. After a few seconds he asked, "Stan will you give me a hand getting the butt-plug out?"

"Butt-plug?" Cartman repeated.

"Yeah," Kyle answered, "we're all lubed up and wearing extra large butt-plugs"

"You did have this night well planned out," Cartman commented with a grin on his face.

"Shut up," Kyle said - before returning his attention to the action in front of him.

Stan was holding the base of Cartman's penis as Kenny squatted over it, lowering himself slowly.

Cartman could feel the head of his dick pressing against Kenny's hot hole. After a few seconds of pressure the head popped in.

"Oh god, it feels so big," Kenny commented as he started to lower himself down.

Cartman could only stare at the sight of his manhood slowly disappearing into his best friend. He felt like his dick was being squeezed hard - but not so hard that it hurt.

"Nearly in," Kenny gasped as he took the last few inches, "I've wanted this big cock in me since the first time I saw you hard."

Kenny sat on the huge cock, enjoying the fact that it was finally inside him. It felt amazing. His legs were either side of Cartman's hips and he just held himself there - getting used to the aching, full feeling inside him.

Cartman expected Kenny to start riding up and down but instead he just rocked gently back and forth - moaning in intense pleasure all the while.

Stan's hand was still around the back, fondling the large and lovely balls - enjoying their weight and texture. He could barely wait for his turn - Cartman was so big, Stan was close to loosing it just imagining how good it would feel.

"So how are you liking your first time?" Kyle asked Cartman - just as Kenny started to slowly rise up and down.

"Ah never expected it to feel so personal or," Cartman paused to groan, "so good."

"It's going to get better," Kyle told him as he leaned down and brought their mouths together.

Cartman felt something hard and slimy pressing against his right hand. It took him a second to realise that it was Kyle - he gripped the cock and started to fondle it. It felt strange, so much smaller than his own and without the foreskin on the end that he was used to. It was a few more seconds before he realised that Kyle was normal-sized, the Jew only seemed small to him because he was so used to handling his own massive dick. Kyle started to thrust into his hand as they kissed. It was amazing and intense, so many stimulations happening to his body at once, it was hard for his mind to keep track of everything that was happening. He reached down with his left hand, trying to find Butters' dick, so he could compare how they felt, but he couldn't reach as Butters had slid down and was sucking on his nipple.

Meanwhile Kenny had built himself up to a crescendo of moans and gasps, mingling them with cries of yes, oh god yes, so good, so big and other similar cries of pleasure.

Stan was jerking Kenny off while still gently squeezing Cartman's balls.

"I'm gonna cum," Kenny screamed as Cartman felt the tight gripping on his cock intensify. Kenny was clearly having a massive orgasm - his dick shooting out spurt after spurt of man-cream.

"Ew, it's in my hair," Butters complained as he lifted his head up from Cartman's chest. He reached his hand around to touch the back of his head, "It's all icky and disgusting."

Even though he laughed, along with the others, Cartman couldn't help but agree with Butters assessment - not that he could say anything, Kyle had restarted their kiss and had his tongue in Eric's mouth. The rest of Kenny's load had spilled onto his belly and he could feel it there, alien and cold.

"At least I get my turn now," Butters said as he cleaned the back of his head on one of the t-shirts disguarded close by.

"Sorry Butters," Kenny said - as his chest heaved in and out, "it's still my turn until Cartman shoots into my ass."

Kyle lifted away from Cartman's mouth, giving the fat boy the chance to look at Kenny - still astride him. The dark blonde was glistening with sweat and his taut frame, with not an ounce of fat on it, stood out in all it's wiry beauty.

Cartman finally realised why Kyle had stopped kissing him, when he felt a tongue licking Kenny's seed off his belly. Kyle was combining the licking with soft kisses. How could something so disgusting make him feel so horny?

"Oh yes Kenneh," Cartman said as the poor boy started to move again - riding the massive fuck-pole.

Cartman used his elbows to push himself up into a sitting position. Wrapping his arms around Kenny and pressing their naked torsos together. He leaned in and kissed his friend hard on the lips.

"How long have you waited to kiss me Kenneh?" Cartman asked.

"All my life," Kenny answered as he pressed his mouth back against Cartman's. His penis rubbing against the fatter boy's belly as he fucked himself.

Stan had moved down to the bottom of the be and was massaging Cartman's large feet. "I should have known you'd end up with a big cock," Stan said, "you've always had massive feet." He lowered himself down and took the toes of Eric's right foot into his mouth.

"Oh Cartman yes," Kenny moaned as he came for the second time.

Cartman shut his eyes to hide his frustration. He would never cum if Kenny kept stopping like this. Maybe it would be better if he took control.

Kenny had started moving again and was moaning and whimpering, "So close," the boy said as he started writhing again.

Cartman had waited long enough. He gripped Kenny's shoulders from behind and started thrusting up into his friend - determined to finally release the load from his aching balls. The poor boy's eyes glazed over as the pounding continued, it was clear that he was riding a plateau of orgasmic ecstasy.

The Fat-ass finally let go, unloading deep inside Kenny's abuse ass. Kenny felt the cum flooding into him and it triggered his fifth orgasm. He felt so used but at the same time so fulfilled.

Cartman dropped backwards onto the bed, panting and sucking in lungfuls of air. Only now did he feel the stickiness from Kenny's discharges covering his belly and mingled into his pubic hair. It didn't feel pleasant but it didn't bother him like it had before. He looked at his friends one-by-one, trying to read them by staring at their eyes. Did they judge him for agreeing to do this with them? Was sharing him what they really wanted? Was he supposed to make some kind of choice after all this was over?

"Whoa Kenny, there's a lot of splooge there," Stan pointed out, "how many times did you cum?"

"Five times," Kenny said, languishing at the bottom of the bed. He appeared to be exhausted from the love-making.

Stan and Kyle looked at each other, they had both had anal triggered orgasms and really enjoyed them - but they were rare and usually required a lot of effort. Cartman had fucked Kenny to five in quick succession.

"Oh my god you've drilled Kenny!" Stan exclaimed.

"You bastard!" Kyle responded instantly.

Cartman stared at the pair puzzled. It was a weird thing to say and he didn't get why they had said it. Neither did they, apparently.

"I have no idea why we said that," Stan offered by way of explanation.

"Me either," Kyle added, "I just felt like I had to or something."

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Kenny got to go first - yay!_

_I was unable to finish typing this up over the weekend, I hope it's hot enough to make up for it (lol). Kyman love to all my readers, cell12._


	14. Chapter 14

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of consensual sex.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 14**

Butters giggled, he was cleaning Cartman's privates with a warm cloth he had fetched and then drying the larger boy with a towel. It was an incredibly intimate act, tender and erotic at the same time. Cartman waited until Butters had finished before pulling the smaller boy into his arms for a kiss.

"Ah think you said something about being next," Cartman remembered as he gently stroked the effeminate boy's face.

Cartman didn't know why he was getting so into this. He hated the idea of being like his mother - but this was more than just rampant teen hornyness and lust. It wasn't sleeping around with strangers because of a desperate craving for sexual pleasure. He was with friends who cared about him, who loved him.

"Your skin's real soft," Cartman told Butters as his hands roamed over the slender frame.

Fucking Butters would almost be the same as fucking a chick - Cartman told himself as his hands continued to roam. He had finally arrived at Butters' ass and was enjoying holding the round cheeks in his hands. Cartman's fingertips found the butt-plug and he firmly grasped it, before pulling it out with a gasp from Butters It felt larger and heavier than he had imagined, greasy and rubbery, not something he found erotic.

As he rolled Butters onto his back Cartman became aware of Stan and Kyle watching him, He paused - strangely nervous and stage-shy.

"Do you need us to tell you what to do?" Kyle asked - his voice sounding helpful rather than sarcastic.

"No," Cartman insisted, "ah'm just a bit uncomfortable having an audience"

"I don't mind the guys watching," Butters said, "it's like I'm sharing something special with my friends."

Cartman loomed over Butters, positioning himself. For some reason he wanted this to feel special. He lifted Butters' legs up, pressing his knees against his chest, before lining his cock up with the hole. The butt-plug had done its work as Cartman felt himself easily entering his stretched-out friend.

Butters soft blue eyes stared at Eric as he felt himself being entered. It was better than he had ever imagined. As more length was fed gently into him, Butters smiled dreamily at the only person he had ever fantasised about. Eric was trying so hard to make this perfect for him.

After he had bottomed-out, Cartman paused - to give Butters more time to adjust. He was determined to get this right. Eric lowered himself down to rest on his elbows and felt Butters slowly wrap his legs around him.

Looking deeply into Butters' eyes - Cartman asked, "Are you ready?"

Butters nodded, blushing.

Cartman pressed his lips against Butters' cheek before whispering, "You deserve the best so ah'll try and make this special for you."

"It's already special," Butters answered, "because it's you."

Butters moaned in ecstasy as Cartman pulled back and plunged again into him. The blonde boy experiencing his first orgasm so soon after entry.

Cartman paused his thrusting, giving Butters time to recover, "Don't worry," he told his friend, "ah don't mind the wait."

Butters gazed adoringly at the boy on top of him - this was everything he had ever wanted. Something he thought he could never have. He was being made love to by the person he loved.

For Cartman this was something else. Sex wasn't something that had ever held much importance to him. He knew that having an orgasm felt good but he could never understand why everyone acted like orgasms were the be-all and end-all of the universe. Whether you masturbated or had sex with a guy or girl - it all felt the same, didn't it? The only difference being that sex with another person would always cause problems - complications that Cartman had no idea how to deal with. Why had he agreed to do this? The answer was simple really, he tried to convince himself. His friends had chosen to make him the centre of attention. It was something he craved - maybe because he lacked any positive attention from his mother. On many occasions he had sought out the lime-light - but this time his friends had given him the staring role. Eric Cartman was flattered and he felt wanted and loved - it was a good feeling.

Butters had quietened down and Cartman figured it was time for him to start moving again. He started thrusting, long and deep, into the smaller boy - trying to find an even rhythm. The blonde was writhing about in pure pleasure - this was a dream come true for him. It got even better when Eric started kissing and sucking on his neck.

"Oh Eric," Butters said - caught up in the emotions that were flooding through him, "I love you so much."

Cartman paused to focus on Butters face - with it's soft delicate features, "You have no idea how much it means to me - all the years you've called me Eric, when everyone else called me Cartman or Fat-ass."

Behind him the hands that were slowly caressing his shoulders stopped and clutched him tightly - Butters was experiencing another orgasm.

Stan and Kyle were watching the hot action - both eager for their turns. Apparently Cartman was an amazing lover who knew, instinctively, just how to satisfy the person he was with. Kyle suspected the the Fat-ass had inherited his skills from his mother - but wherever he got them, it was good news for his friends.

"I can't wait," Stan whispered to Kyle.

Kyle had never envied his best friend anything before but he did now - Stan was next.

They watched as Butters squealed to his third orgasm. Give Cartman his credit - he was saying and doing all the right things.

"Ah love the way you sound when you cum Butters," Cartman told his lover, "it's so cute."

Butters smiled up at his dream lover come true. Eric's chocolate eyes were fixed on him and filled with all the raw emotions that Butters had always wanted to see, "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Cartman nearly said something about how Butters life up until now must have been crap - but stopped himself. It wasn't hard to see that none of them had perfect lives or families.

His mother left him alone and lonely most of the time, while she went out whoring herself, then tried to make up for it by spoiling him when she was there - probably out of guilt. Cartman had always felt in his heart that he would be happier with less, if only his mom had a normal job and spent more time with him.

Kyle's mom was a bullying, domineering bitch - even if the Jew was too proud to admit it. She pushed her family so hard, it was rare to see Kyle able to relax and enjoy life.

Stan was pretty easy to understand really. His dad was an embarrassing, drunken idiot most of the time and his older sister was a vicious and violent bully. Stan let himself be dragged into a relationship with Wendy, even though he was scared of her, and it had taken her breaking up with him before he was willing to finally come out as gay. Stan wouldn't have dared be the one to break up.

Butters had been unfortunate enough to be the product of a loveless marriage between a, massively in the closet, gay man and his unsuspecting wife. All the resentment his parents felt for each other was taken out on their son. They had stayed together for a long time for Butters' sake - even though they were both unhappy. Cartman suspected that Butters' dad had abused him - given that he had left in such a hurry. Butters lived in his own head more than any person Eric knew.

Kenny was the easiest of them all to understand - his parents drank and used drugs. The only time Kenny ever got any money from them, was when they had run a meth lab in their basement and paid their son to courier the drugs around town. A few days later Mysterion had tipped the police off with the names and addresses of every dealer in South Park. Fear of jail had encouraged the McCormick s to dismantle their illegal lab. Kenny found it hard to hold down a job himself but made money when he could.

By now Cartman could feel himself getting close to his orgasm. He held Butters close, enjoying the feel of their skin rubbing together. "You're pretty special," he told Butters before leaning in to kiss.

Butters bucked as he came again and this triggered Cartman off. The tightness gripping his cock taking him over the edge. The two boys hugged for a few minutes before Eric lifted himself off and rolled onto his back. He hadn't thought about how messy it would feel, his body sticky with sweat and Butters' cum.

A quick glance showed Cartman that Butters was drifting off to sleep - the combined affects of the alcohol and amazing sex had worn him out. Eric smiled to himself, two down - two to go.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I'm finding the sex scenes really hard to write, the main difficulty is trying to make each chapter seem different. Kyman love to all my readers, cell12._


	15. Chapter 15

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of consensual sex.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 15**

"Stan clean me up," Cartman said as their eyes locked.

"Ugh," Stan grumbled, looking at the mess, "why me?"

"You're next Stanleh," Cartman answered, "if you want me to be still covered in Butters splooge when ah fuck you - fine."

"No, no," Stan quickly responded, "I'll clean you." He reached for the cloth Butters had used earlier.

"You'll have to rinse that out in hot water Stan," Cartman explained in a most patient voice, "it's already dirty and cold."

Stan grumbled under his breath as he ran, with the cloth, towards the bathroom. He was trying to act all indignant about being pushed around - but the truth was that he liked it. One of the reasons why he had dated Wendy, for as long as he had, was because he got off on being controlled and dominated. It was a major turn-on for him. It wasn't something that had come up with Kyle - they had loved each other like best friends all their lives. When they both revealed that they were gay, they had just fallen into a relationship - maybe because it was easy and they were happy that they had each other to share their sexuality with. He would always love Kyle but Stan was now starting to understand that he loved Kyle as a best friend and almost-brother - he wasn't in love with Kyle. In his fantasy s Stan always imagined himself being used and subservient to a guy with a big dick. Somehow Cartman had tapped into that and seemed to know what he secretly desired.

Kyle watched Cartman, he was laid on his back waiting for Stan to return.

"You're not doing this just to prove that you can fuck four times in a row, are you Cartman?" Kyle asked gently.

"No," Cartman answered. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his hand and stared at Kyle, "It's flattering the you guys want to be with me and ah enjoy getting the attention - but there's more than that."

Kyle waited - he knew Cartman hated showing any sign of weakness, especially when it came to revealing his feelings.

"Ah don't hate you guys," Cartman shrugged, "ah know that ah say, 'ah hate you guys,' all the time - but ah don't, not really."

Kyle nodded, this wasn't something new to him. He had suspected Cartman's true feelings for a long time.

"When we were younger," Kyle remembered, "you used to sat, 'I love you guys,' all the time but we never said anything back - we just ignored what you said. Then you changed it to, 'I hate you guys,' and got the same response."

Cartman didn't say anything, he just looked away.

"We should have told you we loved you too Cartman," Kyle hadn't thought about how emotionally insecure Cartman was until now.

Cartman squirmed - clearly uneasy, "That's OK Kahl, we all say and do stupid things when we're little kids. It's no big deal."

Kyle nodded in agreement, secretly he thought it was a big deal.

Stan returned from the bathroom with the wash-cloth in his hands. It was dripping water, running down his arm and leaping off from his elbow towards the floor. He slapped the wet cloth down onto Cartman's belly and started rubbing briskly.

"Jesus Stan," Cartman exclaimed, "can't you be a bit more gentle with meh?"

Stan slowed his movements and didn't rub so hard, "Sorry Cartman," he replied, "I guess I'm just eager for my turn."

Cartman had never thought of Stan as cute before - but the way the black-haired boy was blushing and looking away seemed to stir something inside him. He found himself getting hard again. After allowing Stan to pat him dry for a few minutes, Cartman halted his friend with his hands - placing them over Stan's and holding them still.

"Ah'm ready now Stan," Cartman said, "why don't you suck me first - get me nice and hard for you."

Stan moaned enthusiastically before lowering his head and taking the massive, half-hard cock into his mouth.

"That's good Stanleh," Cartman encouraged, "get it into your throat."

Stan's technique was different to Kenny's and Cartman compared the two - even as he enjoyed Stan's ministrations. Kenny used short and fast head bobs to work mainly on the cock-head, his tongue flicking rapidly on Cartman's glans. Stan was a deep-throater, one who was desperately trying to get Cartman's meat fully into his mouth and throat.

"Am ah too big for you Stan?" Cartman teased - as his friend backed off for another attempt.

Stan glanced forwards with a determined glint in his dark sapphire eyes - the same expression he used to drive himself and the team on the football field. Stan never gave up on a game - he wouldn't give up on this either.

Kyle watched, fascinated, as Stan forced the huge maleness into his mouth and throat. He could see his best friend repeatedly swallowing as he took the head and first few inches past his oesophagus - sweat breaking out from the effort.

Cartman's hands hovered, reluctant to touch Stan's head and break the concentration of his friend. He could hardly believe it as he saw Stan's nose nuzzling his pubes. Stan pulled up quickly, snorting air through his nostrils, before going back down. To Cartman it was one of the most amazing and impressive things he had ever seen in his life - it felt pretty amazing too.

"You better back off Stan," Cartman warned, "unless you want me to cum in your mouth."

Stan kept up his bobbing and gobbling - apparently he did want that.

"Just so you know," Cartman tried again, "ah'm only giving you all one load each. So if you waste your turn sucking me off, it's not my fault."

Stan reluctantly backed off, his eyes fixed on Cartman as he panted for breath. By the look on his face, the larger boy was, more than, pleased with his efforts.

"You're the only one ah haven't kissed yet Stan," Cartman pointed out, "then again you've been sucking my cock after it had been in Kenny and Butters' asses."

"I cleaned it," Stan insisted - crawling up Cartman's body and peppering it with kisses, "and anyway - don't you think that all my hard work, deep-throating your massive cock, deserves a reward?"

Cartman paused to consider - Stan did manage to take it all. "Ah guess that a kiss won't kill meh," he reluctantly answered.

Stan leaned in and kissed Cartman but without the enthusiasm Eric had expected. It wasn't until Cartman took control, wrapping his arms around the black-haired boy and forcefully exploring his mouth, that Stan started to get turned on. Unlike Butters, the quarterback preferred a firmer touch.

"Ah'm getting a bit sick of you guys cumming all over me," Cartman said after he broke the kiss, "so ah think ah'll fuck you doggy-style Stanleh."

Stan moaned in appreciation of Cartman's strong hands as the manoeuvred him into position. The way Cartman's accent twisted the pronunciation of his full first-name, massively turned him on. It made him feel special - joining Kyle and Kenny in an exclusive group. He felt Cartman placing the towel underneath him, to catch his emissions.

Cartman toyed with the butt-plug, eliciting more moans of pleasure before finally pulling it out and tossing it onto the floor. "You should really have colour coded those things if you're planning to use them again."

Was Cartman implying that there might be a repeat performance, Kyle wondered.

"Hurry, stick it in me," Stan said eagerly.

Cartman paused, teasing his friend. Instead of pushing his cock into the gaping hole, he rubbed the head against the edges and all along Stan's crack.

Stan moaned again - not caring how desperate he sounded, "Please, please fuck me," he whispered - an urgent need clear in his voice.

Cartman grinned, "Since you asked so nicely." He thrust his dick into Stan - all at once, fiercely gripping his friends hips so he couldn't move.

Stan jerked and bucked - unused to being invaded so violently.

"You like me being inside you," Cartman taunted, "don't you Stanleh?"

"Yes," Stan managed to answer.

Cartman continued to tease, "Do you want me to fuck you rough?"

"Yes," Stan was getting used to the feeling of his insides being so incredibly stretched out and full.

"Ah could be gentle, like ah was with Butters, if you prefer Stanleh."

"No!" Stan's voice was shaky but insistent.

"Tell me what you want Stanleh," Cartman's words were rich like honey.

"I want you to fuck me hard," Stan admitted - finally releasing his inhibitions.

"If you insist," Cartman responded, grinning. He pulled back and started ramming his cock in and out of Stan's ass - not slowing down or pausing in a relentless pace.

"Oh god!" Stan shouted as he came.

Unlike with Butters, Cartman didn't stop to let Stan recover. Instead he continued - not breaking his stride for a second.

It was only now that Cartman was into his rhythm that he was able to think about anything else. He couldn't help but notice that Stan was more built up than Kenny and Butters. Stan had muscle - earned by punishing hours working out and playing sports. There was no mistaking Stan's body for a chicks. Not that Stan's masculine physique put Cartman off in any way - actually the knowledge that he was ploughing such a popular jock was really turning him on.

Cartman could feel every inch of his cock rubbing Stan's insides as he pounded in and out. Judging by the moans, Stan was enjoying being fucked as much as he enjoyed doing the fucking. Eric lowered himself down so that his chest was pressed against Stan's back - snaking an arm around to grab for his friends dick.

Stan gasped as Cartman started jerking him in time with his thrusts. At the same time the larger boy was licking his neck, Stan felt himself floating on waves of ecstasy.

"You're going to find it hard to sit down for the next few days, eh Stanleh?" Cartman whispered seductively in his ear, "Is it worth it?"

"Oh god yes," Stan moaned as he came again - an orgasm more intense than anything he had ever experienced before.

Cartman straightened back up, stopping for the first time from his relentless rhythm. "Ah'm gonna try something different now Stan," he informed the quarterback. Still fully entered, Cartman gripped Stan even tighter and started moving his hips from side-to-side.

Stan could feel the massive cock moving around inside him - stretching him out and claiming his ass for it's own.

"Do you like it?" Cartman asked.

"Yes!" Stan half shouted, half moaned.

Watching Kyle recognised what Cartman was doing. It was called corkscrewing - he had seen it in gay porn on-line. How did Cartman know to do something like that? It couldn't be all instinct and skills inherited from his whore mother.

Cartman smiled, "Ah should warn you Stanleh - ah'm probably ruining you for any other guy. No-one will ever be able to make you feel as good as this - except me."

"I don't care," Stan said through gritted teeth - trying to hold of another orgasm.

Cartman, sensing Stan's struggles, commanded his friend, "Cum for me Stanleh - ah want to feel your ass gripping my cock."

Stan responded by bucking underneath the larger boy as he released his third load, "You're the best Cartman - it's never been like this before."

Cartman stopped and waited while Stan caught his breath, "Ah'm gonna start ramming you even harder now - if you think you can take it."

"I can take it," Stan managed to say.

Cartman laughed as he pulled his cock almost all the way out before slamming it back in, "We'll see," was all he said.

Stan buried his face into the pillow - seeing stars as he came, from the brutal pounding he was receiving. When he'd see how many times Kenny and Butters came, from being fucked by Cartman, it had made him excited. He'd guessed it would be good but this - this was better than anything he could have imagined.

Kyle was impressed by the way Cartman was energetically fucking his best friend. He'd watched enough porn with Stan to know that he was turned-on by large dicks. Stan liked being dominated too. Cartman had spotted this pretty quickly and was giving Stan the sex that he wanted - the same way he had for Kenny and Butters. Kenny was an exhibitionist, who liked to be the centre of attention - especially when it came to sex. Butters had wanted gentle and loving and Cartman had given him that. Now he was fulfilling Stan's desires. Kyle wondered what it was that he wanted sexually. It wasn't something he had ever considered before.

"Ah'm gonna fill your ass soon," Cartman told Stan, "so ah want you to tighten it up for me."

Stan was still recovering from his forth orgasm and was finding it difficult to do anything. Never-the-less he tried to squeeze his ass for Cartman. It intensified the way the huge dick was rubbing his prostate - making him moan and lash around in pleasure.

"That's it Stanleh, make me feel good," Cartman instructed his friend.

Kyle watched as Cartman switched to shorter thrusts of his hips. After half a minute of rapid humping the larger boy came - slowing dramatically to a long slow motion.

The feeling of Cartman's cock expanding inside his tortured tunnel and releasing it's sperm, triggered Stan's final orgasm.

As Cartman slipped out of Stan's ass he asked, "Are you going to fall asleep straight away like Kenny and Butters?"

Stan smiled - the contented smile of somebody well fucked, "Probably. You don't mind do you?"

"It's OK Stan," Cartman said before kissing the quarterback's sweaty forehead and rolling him over towards Butters, "we can always talk in the morning."

Stan nodded and yawned as Cartman scrunched up the cum-splattered towel and threw it to one side.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** I hope everyone liked my attempt at Cartan/Stanman. I tried to make the sex different from the previous chapters with Kenny and Butters._

_Sorry about this taking 2 weeks, I've been really busy and my brother is hogging all our internet time playing on his PS3._

_Kyman love to all my readers, cell12._


	16. Chapter 16

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of consensual sex.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 16**

"We don't have to do anything," Kyle said quietly.

"What?" Cartman was confused. After all the effort that his friends had gone to, Kyle's words had taken him by surprise.

"I can see how drained you are," Kyle ran his eyes over Cartman's body. The larger boy was glistening with a sheen of sweat and his hair was soaked with it. "You're not used to this and even if you were, four times is asking a lot from you."

Cartman puffed his chest out and controlled his panting - he squared up to Kyle indignantly, "Ah can handle it."

"Can you?" Kyle asked. "There's no shame in stopping now. The other guys are asleep and I won't tell them anything - I promise."

"Kahl?" Cartman was even more confused.

"If they ask, I'll tell them that we did it and it was great," Kyle was babbling now and talking too much.

Cartman was watching Kyle closely, for reasons unknown, the Jewish boy was rejecting him. It hurt worse than any blow.

"You don't want to have sex with me, do you?" Cartman reasoned.

"I just think you've done enough for one night," Kyle replied smoothly.

"That's not it, is it Kahl," Cartman pressed, "you don't think that ah'm good enough for you."

"You said yourself that you weren't gay Cartman," Kyle argued, "I don't just want a one-night thing."

"You want a proper boyfriend who you can fall in love with," Cartman realised that Kyle was looking for a relationship - not just sex.

"Yes," Kyle answered, "you can understand that - can't you?"

"And what if ah said that ah wanted to do this again?" Cartman asked.

Kyle's face was caught in shock and surprise.

"And not just the sex part," Cartman continued, "ah don't have a problem with being in a relationship with a guy - well four guys."

"You don't have to do this," Kyle glanced around at his friends - they were all still asleep.

"Ah want to do this," Cartman told the red-head.

"But you don't have to," Kyle argued.

Cartman held his annoyance in check, Kyle still wasn't getting it. He grabbed the Jewish boy and pulled him into his arms, "Ah want to Kahl," he breathed seductively into Kyle's ear, "ah'm not just doing this to prove that ah can or because ah'm horny" He left the rest of the statement unsaid.

"Then why are you doing this?" Kyle wondered, asking the question Cartman had lead him to.

Cartman studied Kyle for a few seconds, trying to decide whether or not to tell the Jew how he was feeling. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to explain and he was still pretty unsure himself.

"There's not a lot of people out there who are willing to put up with me," Cartman finally said.

"You don't need to have sex with us to keep being our friend Cartman," Kyle tried to reassure.

"That's not it Kahl," Cartman swallowed - the Jew was forcing him to reveal things that he didn't want to uncover. Emotions that he preferred to stay buried.

"Tell me," Kyle encouraged gently.

"Ah get lonely," Cartman spoke softly - all the frantic energy had faded from his voice. "My mom has never been there for me when ah needed her. You guys, my friends, are the only people ah trust."

"That still doesn't explain why you're willing to go gay for us," Kyle pointed out.

Cartman sighed, "Last summer, when my mother sent me to camp, there was a girl," he had never told anyone about this. It was the sort of story you usually swore to take to the grave, "She liked me and ah thought that she was OK." He paused for a second, "That was a lie - she was cute and pretty and ah liked her too."

"Go on," Kyle was intrigued.

"We were sitting outside one evening and she tried to kiss me. Ah pulled away from her. Ah couldn't bare the thought of her touching me."

"Why not?" Kyle wondered.

"Ah don't know," Cartman struggled to explain, "ah thought that the same thing would happen every time someone tried to be close to me."

"But you were fine when it was us," Kyle reasoned, "maybe you are gay but haven't been able to admit it to yourself until now."

"Maybe ah'm like you Kahl," Cartman responded, "maybe ah have to love someone before ah can be with them."

Kyle swallowed and looked around at his sleeping friends again. Cartman was practically admitting to loving them and him. He was suddenly aware of the physical contact between them - his back was pressed against Cartman's chest and belly. He could feel the larger boy's erection rubbing his ass-crack.

"Are you just saying this so you can fuck me Fat-ass?" Kyle had to ask.

"No, ah'm telling you how ah feel so that you'll want to make love with me," Cartman answered.

"And if I say yes?" Kyle queried. He was very tempted - it was what he had planned with Stan, Kenny and Butters after all.

"You were right about me being tired Kahl but that doesn't mean that ah haven't got enough energy left to make you feel good," Cartman's hands were roaming over Kyle's chest - he scraped his thumb-nail across the right nipple and Kyle hissed in pleasure. "Ah can't promise you a relationship but ah can give you a night of making love - not just sex."

Could he develop feelings for Cartman? Maybe. Would sex with Cartman be amazing? Probably. Did he want to do this? Definitely! "I want to make love with you," Kyle said - finally admitting his feelings.

"Kahl," Cartman said - hugging the red-head against him.

Cartman laid back, holding Kyle on top of him. Kissing the Jewish boy's left ear and whispering into it - telling his how hot he was.

Kyle gasped as one of Cartman's hands worked its way down his chest and stomach, before finally reaching his achingly hard manhood.

"This feels nice," Cartman said lazily - as he slowly jacked off his friend.

"But it must feel so small compared to yours," Kyle couldn't help but question, "doesn't it?"

"Kahl," Cartman whispered conspiratorially, "ah'll let you in on a little secret. having a massive cock, like mine, isn't all you imagine. It's no fun jacking off something so big by yourself because you can never hold it all at once - even with two hands."

"I didn't know that," Kyle admitted.

"Most guys our age wear loose fitting pants or jeans to hide any boners we get while at school. Ah don't have that option. Pointing it upwards helps a bit, no-one can tell if ah'm half-mast, but when ah'm fully hard it's pretty obvious to anyone who's looking."

"I still think that being a little bigger would be nice," Kyle insisted.

"You're average sized Kahl - there's nothing wrong with that," Cartman reassured. "You have as many nerve endings in you dick as ah do - so the feelings are just as good. And anyway, if the guy you're with isn't complaining why should you?"

"I guess you right," Kyle craned his head to smile at Cartman, he was feeling good under the chubby boy's ministrations.

"Now isn't it time we replaced that butt-plug with something a little bit longer and silkier?" Cartman said changing the subject, "It would be a shame to waste all the effort it must have taken getting it in there."

Kyle blushed, his whole face turning red, as Cartman reached with one hand towards the butt-plug. The larger boy's other hand stayed on Kyle's cock, slowly fondling and jacking it. Kyle raised his hips and Cartman eased the plug out and cast it to one side. They both heard it bounce against one wall before dropping to the floor. Holding Kyle by the hips, Cartman lifted the red-head up and positioned his cock at the entrance to Kyle's gaping hole.

"Ready?" Cartman whispered - not wanting to wake the other guys.

"Yeah," Kyle replied - before gasping as the massive length began entering him.

Cartman slid more of his meat into the Jewish boy while kissing his neck, "You can take it Kahl," he said breathlessly.

Kyle couldn't help himself - letting out a, "God Cartman," as the big cock worked its way into him. It seemed to take an agonising forever before he was fully impaled. He wriggled around - allowing his insides to get accustomed to the hugeness that had entered him. Secretly enjoying the feeling of Cartman's pubes scratching against his ass cheeks.

It wasn't long before Cartman started to move his hips, gently, up and down - sliding his length inside of Kyle. It felt so big and hard but soft at the same time. It was much more intense than when Stan fucked him. At the same time time, Kyle could feel Cartman's hands running over his torso - stroking and touching everywhere. One hand grasped his cock and started rubbing and fondling it - a thumb roaming over the leaking head.

"Cartman, I'm cumming," Kyle managed to say as he bucked on top of the larger boy. He felt his dick twitch over and over as he pumped his seed into Eric's waiting hand.

Cartman held Kyle until he finished moving and settled down, before casually reaching across to his bedside table for a tissue - to clean his hand up. Kyle watched as Eric carefully removed the sticky mess from his fingers.

"Did Stan ever tell you how beautiful you were Kahl?" Cartman asked all of a sudden.

"Don't be stupid Cartman," Kyle replied - the question made him feel nervous, "I'm not beautiful."

"Yes you are," the larger boy insisted, "Kenny's hot, Butters is cute, Stan is handsome and you're beautiful. Well ah think so anyway."

Kyle smiled at the complement - filing it away to tell the others later, "What about you Cartman?" He asked.

"Ah'm just a blob," Cartman answered, "lucky enough to be born with a big dick. Ah'm nothing special."

"Do you really have that low an opinion of yourself?" Kyle questioned.

"It's what everyone has been telling me for years," Cartman replied bitterly, "it has to be true - doesn't it?"

Kyle had never thought of Cartman as someone with low self-esteem. If anything the Fat-ass always seemed over-confident to the point of arrogance. Could that have all been an act?

"We all have things about ourselves we don't like," Kyle tried to reassure his friend.

Cartman didn't say anything - instead he pulled back with his hips before thrusting up into the Jewish boy. he also started stroking Kyle's dick again.

"For someone who's never done this before - you sure are amazingly good at it Cartman," Kyle pointed out.

"Heh," Cartman laughed slightly before responding, "ah never said ah hadn't done this before."

Kyle was confused, "But you said that you couldn't bare it when that girl tried to kiss you and touch you."

"Ah wasn't lying Kahl," Cartman insisted, "ah've just had some bad experiences."

"Oh," Kyle wanted to quiz the larger boy - but he knew that Cartman wouldn't tell him anything and it would spoil the mood they were in.

"Ah could never do this with someone ah didn't care about," Cartman clearly wasn't going to volunteer any more information.

Kyle didn't know what to say - for once his brain couldn't find the right words. The intense pleasure that Cartman was giving him was making rational thought impossible.

Cartman lifted up the arm that had been hugging Kyle close to him. He gently cupped the Jewish boy's jaw and turned his head so they could kiss. Soft kisses at first, gentle and loving, leading to more passionate lunges with tongues.

Kyle moaned into Cartman's mouth as he came for a second time. This time Eric slowed to a gentle stop - rather than halting abruptly. Not showing any of the frustration he must have been feeling from having to stop just when it was starting to feel good.

Kyle stopped Cartman as he started to reach for another tissue, "I've got a better idea," he said - pulling the cum-covered hand up to his face and licking it clean.

Feeling the Jew's tongue licking and running over his hand was electric to Cartman. When the tongue darted between his fingers, touching the more sensitive part of his hand, he could feel his cock thickening with renewed vigour. "That feels amazing Kahl," he couldn't help but whisper.

Kyle smiled as he continued - it was important that Cartman enjoyed this experience as much as his friends. With each of them, the larger boy had tried to give them the sex they wanted. Until now none of them had thought to ask - what did Cartman want?

"So what do you like to do - sexually," Kyle asked as he tried to recover control of his body.

"Ah've never thought about it Kahl," Cartman answered straight back, "aren't you enjoying what we're doing?"

"No, it's not that," Kyle reassured his friend - somehow Cartman had been able to give him the passion and romance he craved, "I've loved every second so far - but I just wondered what you wanted. I want you to enjoy this as much as we all have."

"Ah've never really had any strong sexual fantasys or desires," Cartman ran his hands up Kyle's sides - fingers touching every rib.

"You must have some ideas about what turns you on," Kyle insisted. "What do you dream about? What do you think about when you jerk-off?"

"Ah usual try not to think about anything when ah masturbate Kahl," Cartman answered, "until tonight all my sexual experiences have been bad ones - stuff ah don't want to remember."

Kyle felt his heart breaking for the Fat-ass - he knew about some of the bad experiences, he decided not to press Cartman about the rest. He hoped that the chubby boy would trust them all enough to reveal everything in time.

Kyle felt Cartman's strong arms wrap around him, hugging him tightly. Eric was breathing deeply, close to Kyle's ear, and he could hear the breaths as they matched the rises and falls of Cartman's chest. Without warning the larger boy rolled them both onto their side and resumed his gentle humping.

"This is what you want Kahl," Cartman said as he pressed himself into the red-head.

For Kyle the pleasure and the sensations were overwhelming. The heady scent of Cartman's sweat and breath, combined with the odour of cum from so many orgasms, filled his nostrils as he rocked back against the invading member. That it was Cartman making him feel so goo, making him experience such deep emotions, no longer bothered him. He wanted this with all his being - he wanted Cartman. Briefly Kyle's mind held itself on the brink of a precipice. Did he want to fall in love with Cartman - spend the rest of his life sharing Eric with Stan, Kenny and Butters? Kyle wanted to fall for a guy who held him like Cartman held him. A guy who looked at him with hungry eyes - the way Cartman did. Eric made him feel alive in a way he hadn't before. Why couldn't Cartman be the answer to the need Kyle felt inside?

Kyle's body hit a plateau as he orgasmed and Cartman only increased his pace. A fourth orgasm followed almost immediately - so close to the last that Kyle was sent reeling into ecstasy. Every nerve was on fire. His skin buzzing and tingling like pins-and-needles all over his body. Cartman was no longer touching his cock. The Jewish boy's pleasure was being triggered, only by the deep fucking he was receiving and by the closeness of the boy holding him.

"Kahl," Cartman said as he thrust harder and even deeper - rutting into the red-head like a wild animal. His back arched and he clutched even tighter - holding his cock in place as it expanded and spat out its seed. He didn't need to say anything else - that one word explained his lust and his need for the Jewish boy far more eloquently than any sonnet or love song.

Kyle came again as he felt Cartman stiffen inside him. Sex wasn't supposed to be this good, this mind-blowing, was it?

Cartman rolled away from Kyle, his rapidly softening dick slipping easily out of the abused hole. Kyle had never felt so empty and lost in his life.

"Ah did it," Cartman murmured - more to himself than to Kyle.

Kyle turned, exhausted, to look at the Fat-ass - was all the just to prove what a stud he was after all?

"Cartman?" Kyle said questioning his friends words, "Eric?"

Cartman grabbed Kyle and pulled him close - hugging him and enjoying the afterglow, "Ah knew ah could make you all happy."

Kyle didn't say anything as he let Eric hold him. Feeling his breathing slow. Was Cartman so insecure that he thought they might reject him if he was unable to make love to them all? Kyle would have to talk it out in the morning. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the heat of Cartman's body.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Sorry about the delay. I've actually had this written in my notebook for a week waiting to be typed up. Kyle's sex chapter is longest - mainly because he tried to talk himself out of it (lol) - but also because I love Kyman so much. Again I tried to make this chapter different from the previous three - I hope I succeeded._

_Cartman's bad sexual experiences on the TV show include; having a concussion turn him into a Vietnamese prostitute, sucking off a homeless guy in an alley for his sperm and giving a hand-job when he pretended his hand was Jennifer Lopez. I'm sure there are other instances in the show but I can't remember them all off-hand. Also remember his mom's a crack whore who's to say what other sex stuff he's seen and done._

_The only question left to ask now is whether this night of debauchery will lead to a group relationship for the boys - what do you think?_

_There are another couple of chapters to go - but no more sex (I'm pretty much burnt out at far as writing sex scenes is concerned). Kyman love to all who read this, cell12._


	17. Chapter 17

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 17**

Cartman woke - feeling himself pressed against on all sides. Kyle was sprawled on top of him - the Jewish boy's head on his shoulder and the red curls brushing against his cheek. On one side Stan was pressed closely against him - hugging his arm. On the other side was Butters - who must have climbed out of bed and switched sides during the night. The effeminate boy had pulled Eric's arm around him and was resting against Cartman's other shoulder. Kenny was curled up between his legs - partly draped across them. He could feel Kenny's drool on his thigh.

Cartman didn't try to move, not that he could anyway, he was too comfortable. He was surprised by how little the events of last night bothered him. He had no regrets about what had happened last night but he did feel a nervous anticipation about what everyone would say about it. Despite all the fights and insults - Eric cared about his friends. He protected them like a mother bear guarding her cubs.

Cartman decided that he liked having his friends piled all around him. They made him feel safe and loved - even as he started to drift back off to sleep. For once he wasn't worried about his usual nightmares because he was sure they wouldn't come.

Cartman woke again to voices. It took him a few seconds to tune in to what they were saying. His friends were talking about him! He kept his eyes closed and stayed still, pretending to be asleep. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of fear. He was worried that he might have let them down not been good enough for them. He had to know what they were saying.

"I'm telling you," Kyle insisted, "he pretty much admitted that he wanted this to be a permanent thing."

"That's really hard to believe Kyle," Stan put in, "as much as I'd like to."

"He said he had no problem being in a relationship with all of us," Kyle responded, "he practically confessed to loving all four of us."

"He loves us?" Butters chipped in hopefully.

"Not exactly," Kyle answered reluctantly. "He did say that he trusted us and that he had to love someone in order to be intimate with them."

"And you believed him?" Stan asked.

"Yes," Kyle replied through his teeth.

"I believe you Kyle," Butters said.

"You could try asking him," Kenny finally joined the conversation.

"Kenny?" Kyle was slightly confused.

"He's been awake and listening in to your conversation," Kenny informed them.

All eyes turned to Cartman - who cracked an eye open and grinned sheepishly. Secretly he was elated, they all still wanted him. Of course, he would have to tease them a little before revealing his feelings.

"Aye Kenneh - don't make it sound like ah was spying on you guys. Your voices woke me up is all," Cartman stretched and yawned.

"And?" Stan quizzed.

Cartman shuffled over to the side of the bed before standing up, "Ah need the toilet, a shower and ah need to brush my teeth to get the beer taste out of my mouth."

"You're not going to say anything?" Kyle asked.

Cartman turned to look at Kyle - raising an eyebrow, "About what?"

Kyle held his anger in check, "Last night."

"Ah seem to remember you all agreeing not to bug me about this," Cartman smiled as he answered.

"Last night you promised me that we would talk in the morning," Stan insisted.

"We are talking Stan," Cartman turned to face his friend, "ah just never promised anything about the topic of our conversation."

"But," Stan started.

"Ah also remember," Cartman interrupted, "you all agreed to last night being a one-time thing unless ah decided different. Well ah haven't decided yet."

"You haven't decided?" Stan asked - puzzled.

"No, there's a lot for me to think about," Cartman stretched exaggeratedly and headed for the door.

"But, you enjoyed it - didn't you?" Stan was confused.

Cartman sighed, he had guessed that this conversation was going to happen sooner or later. He had hoped for later - showered and dressed with a full breakfast inside his stomach. Apparently his friends wanted it to be now - with them all naked in a room, ripe with the scent of male sex.

"You want to do this now - fine." Cartman looked around at his friends, "Come here Kenneh."

Kenny approached Cartman slowly with a nervous grin, "Sure, what is it Eric?"

Cartman pulled Kenny towards him and into his arms. He held the blonde boy close as he leaned down into a kiss.

Kenny struggled for a split second before settling down into the passionate kiss. Enjoying the larger boy's roaming hands and darting tongue.

Cartman though had his eyes jumping from face-to-face - watching the other three. After thirty seconds he broke off the kiss and straightened up.

"Thanks for helping me there Kenneh," he kept a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"What was that about?" Kenny asked, "You didn't look at me once."

"Ah was watching their faces for signs of jealousy," Cartman answered. "The only way this could work is if none of you get jealous of each other."

Kyle nodded - he understood what Cartman was getting at, "Well - did you see any?"

"That was just one kiss Kahl," Cartman answered, "there's a lot more to a group relationship."

"What do you mean Eric?" Butters asked confused.

"You probably thinking that my time will be spread evenly amongst you - well it won't." Cartman had started to pace as he spoke, "For example - Stan and Kahl's parents will only let them sleep over at weekends, whereas Kenny can probably be here every night."

Kenny nodded in silent confirmation of this.

"I think I understand," Kyle answered, "we won't get jealous."

Cartman appeared doubtful, "As much as ah want to believe you Kahl, ah can't help but worry that you guys might end up hating each other over this. It's not so much whether you will get jealous or not - but how we all cope with it, if it happens."

"If that's so much of a problem," Kyle was starting to get annoyed, "why don't you just choose one of us to date?"

"Ah can't do that," Cartman answered.

"Why not?" Kyle pushed, "Do you think we'd end up hating the one you'd chose?"

Cartman ran a hand across his aching head, "You don't get it do you Kahl - by yourselves ah'm not compatible with any one of you."

"I don't understand," Butters stared at Eric - waiting for an explanation.

"If ah dated just you Butters, for example, my personality would dominate and crush yours," Cartman tried to explain.

"And me?" Kenny asked.

"Logically ah know that you wouldn't cheat on me Kenneh," Cartman told the poor boy, "but because of who ah am - ah would go nuts with paranoia every time you spoke to a cute guy or girl. You know how flirty you are. In the end you would probably cheat on me - out of frustration because of the way ah was behaving."

"That's a pretty bleak assessment Cartman," Kyle commented.

"Well ah'm naturally a pessimist Kahl," Cartman replied. "Ah usually expect the worst - it saves being disappointed later."

"What about me?" Stan wanted his turn - it was, kind of, fascinating in a dreadful way.

"Ah'd be scared that you'd ditch me for the first guy with a bigger dick that came along," Cartman informed him. "You get off on being bossed around during sex. Ah don't mind that sometimes - but not all the time. Ah like hugging and snuggling too."

Kyle nodded in agreement, "I can guess why you think we wouldn't work Fat-ass."

"We'd fight all the time and probably end up killing each other," Cartman finished for the Jewish boy.

"I still think you're wrong Cartman," Kyle said, "but I can also see your point - you don't think that dating just one of us would work."

"Yeah," Kenny said - moving to hug Cartman, "you'll have to date all of us at once."

Stan grinned, "If you're gonna go gay - what better way is there to come out than with four boyfriends at once." He moved to join Kenny in hugging Cartman.

"I think that sharing you with my friends will be better than having you all to myself." Butters stepped forwards to snuggle into Cartman's chest, "I don't think any one of us, by ourself, could keep up with you sex-wise anyway."

"Kahl what do you think?" Cartman asked as he ran a hand, casually, through Butters' soft hair.

"It could be a disaster," Kyle replied, "or it could be awesome."

"Let's try for the awesome Kahl," Cartman told his friend.

Kyle nodded and ran to join the group hug.

"As much as ah'm enjoying this," Cartman said after half-a-minute, "ah need my shower and breakfast."

The group of friends reluctantly broke apart - finally recognising their nudity and their semi-aroused states.

"Now all we have to do is decide which of you gets to shower with me," Cartman said with a smirk.

* * *

_**Authors Notes:** Only one more chapter, after this one, to wrap things up. I'm already starting to think about what to write next. All I can guarantee is that it will be a Cartman-centric South Park story. I already have some of my ideas posted up on my profile. Those are the ones that I've already written a little bit of (in some cases as little as half a chapter). I also have a lot of other ideas - so I might well extend that list._

_The UK census is coming up - sadly South Park can't be put down as a religion. Kyman love to all my readers and reviewers, cell12._

_

* * *

P.S. - Always remember - there can never be enough Cartman slash!_


	18. Chapter 18

I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Cartman**

**by cell12**

**Chapter 18**

It had been an epic weekend, one they would never forget - but, of course, school had to intrude into their lives.

Kyle had hated sleeping alone, in his own bed, on Sunday night. He had never much minded being alone when he had dated Stan but now it was almost torture for him. His body craved the feel of Cartman pressed against him. His nostrils demanded the heady scent of Cartman's sweat. It was only now that he fully understood what Eric had meant about jealousy. He did feel envious of Kenny - who got to spend more time with the larger boy. it wasn't something he wanted to feel but he couldn't help it. He vowed to be extra nice to his poor friend - just to let him know that Kyle was accepting of the additional time he got to spend with Eric.

Stan's night hadn't been great either. For him though, it was more about what would happen on Monday morning at school. Stan wasn't sure how Cartman wanted to play things. The larger boy might want to keep his head down and act like everything was normal or he might want to stride into school with all four of them pressed around him - attracting as much attention as possible. Personally, Stan was good with either scenario and all variants in between. He did worry though about his dad. Randy Marsh hadn't been too happy when he found out that his son was gay. His dad wasn't homophobic - just an idiot who couldn't get his head around the idea of a gay quarterback. 'You can't be gay - you play football,' his dad had said when Stan first came out to his parents. Even now Randy regularly asked at breakfast, 'Are you still gay son?' Stan couldn't help but wonder how his family would take the idea of him being in a group relationship centred around Cartman. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep Sunday night.

Butters had left Cartman's house on Sunday evening floating on a wave of happiness. When he got home, he had told his mother everything straight away. Too naive, maybe, to even consider keeping everything secret. Linda Stotch had taken it rather well. Coming to the conclusion that, given everything that had happened to him, Butters happiness was the most important thing - not how he achieved it. The effeminate boy actually had a good nights sleep - despite missing Eric and his other friends.

Kenny certainly had the best night out of the four of them - he got to spend another night with Cartman. He'd actually been reluctant to initiate sex, which was so unlike him, because of feeling guilty towards his friends. Cartman had squashed that nonsense out of his head pretty quickly. 'They'll be nights in the future when ah'm with one of them and not you Kenneh,' he had told the poor boy, 'why should we deny ourselves a pleasure that our friends expect and won't begrudge.' Kenny had eventually agreed and had spent a wonderful night with his boyfriend. Kenny didn't really worry about the future but he knew that he wanted to be all over Cartman, hugging and kissing the larger boy as much as possible and he was fine with having to share Cartman's attention. he did wonder though about how Eric would want to play things out at school.

* * *

Cartman and Kenny were the last ones to turn up at the bus stop on Monday morning. The larger boy trudging along as usual - with Kenny walking alongside, occasionally leaning in to hug his friend.

"Hey guys," Cartman said when they finally arrived.

Butters moved straight away to greet Eric with a kiss and a hug. Cartman didn't appear to have any problems with public shows of affection, as he willingly let the effeminate boy snuggle against him for a few seconds before speaking.

"Do any of you want to ask about last night?" Cartman said with a broad smile on his face.

Kyle swallowed - he had been trying all morning to think positive thoughts.

"How was last night Cartman?" Stan finally asked.

"Ah missed you," Cartman replied looking at Stan, "and Kahl and Butters." As he said Kyle's name he turned his chocolate eyes to the Jewish boy. With Butters' name he used one arm to gently hug the boy who was still pressed up against him.

Cartman's answer wasn't what Kyle had expected. He had mentally prepared himself to listen to the Fat-ass bragging about his night with Kenny - but instead Cartman was trying to be sensitive and including.

"Hey guys," Kenny finally spoke - his voice filled with unnecessary guilt.

Kyle moved to give his friend a hug, "You don't have to feel guilty about spending a night alone with Cartman. Hopefully we'll all get a chance to do that in time."

"Kahl, you're starting to sound like you care," Cartman said in mock surprise.

Kyle felt his face flush with heat. Did he care? He certainly wanted to be with Cartman last night - and not just for the sex.

"Ah seem to remember that it was Kenneh and Butters who had crushes on me," Cartman was taking great delight in stringing this out, "you and Stan were only using me for my big cock. Is it possible that you're both starting to feel something for me?"

Kyle looked down at his feet, his face was bright red from a mixture of anger and embarrassment. He was confused about what he was feeling for Cartman right now. The feelings were new but he felt they could grow into more with time.

Stan, on the other hand, already knew how he felt and who he wanted, "I like you Cartman - I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

Cartman's jaw dropped as he listened to the raven's confession. Seeing Stan's scared face he extended his hand out towards the other boy - fingertips stretching to reach out.

Stan reached forward in return, allowing their fingers to twine, before stepping towards Cartman who embraced him.

"Ah feel the same way Stanleh," Cartman said before leaning in to kiss the quarterback.

Stan turned his head to look at his best friend, "Dude, don't let your stubbornness ruin this."

Kyle gasped at Stan's insightfulness. He had been searching his mind for any reason not to fly into Cartman's arms from the first second the larger boy had arrived at the bus stop. Stan knew this and had confronted his over it. He took a deep breath and slowly walked towards Cartman as Stan and Butters moved back.

"Morning Kahl," Cartman said smiling - as if he was just greeting his friend for the first time, "you're looking extremely fluffy today."

"Fluffy?" Kyle was confused, that particular remark had come from nowhere.

Just then Cartman snatched the hat right off Kyle's head - running a few steps away and dancing with it.

"See," Cartman pointed with one hand - while the other held the ushanka straight up, "your hair looks fluffy."

Kyle charged at Cartman, his hands reaching for his hat, reacting rather than over-thinking. His anger was finally making him forget his tentativeness.

Cartman teasingly held the hat away from him. Behind Kyle the other three boys were watching the antics and silently laughing. Kenny guessed that Cartman was doing this to put Kyle at ease.

"Now Kahl ah'll give you the hat back for ten kisses," Cartman told the red-head, "they all have to be on the lips and each one has to be better than the last."

Stan pinched his nose as Kyle threw himself at the larger boy and started kissing, "I thought that they might have stopped the fighting."

Kenny sniggered, "You better get used to it Stan, that's what works for them."

After Kyle had reclaimed his hat from Cartman they rejoined their friends.

"So ah guess we're in a group dating thing then," Cartman spoke quietly - clearly not as confident as he liked to pretend.

"It's called a polygamous relationship," Kyle corrected.

"Ah'll take your word for that Kahl," Cartman replied - clearly not taking any offence at the remark. "Ah didn't have the time to look it up on Wikipedia last night - ah was busy doing other things."

"I thought you were with Kenny last night?" Butters looked puzzled.

"That's who he was doing," Kyle explained to the effeminate boy.

"Oh," Butters blushed as he finally realised Kyles meaning.

"Don't worry Butters you'll get your turn soon," Kenny winked at the younger boy.

"I told my mom about us last night fellas," Butters nervously mashed his knuckles together.

"And she was OK about it?" Stan asked.

Butters nodded, "She said it was unusual but if it made me happy she would accept it."

"Will she say anything to our parents?" Kyle asked - suddenly very worried.

"I asked her not to," Butters told his friends, "but she only agreed to give you enough time to tell them yourselves."

"Shit Butters," Stan shouted, "my dad had a hard enough time accepting me in a relationship with Kyle - I have no idea how he'll take this!"

Cartman placed a reassuring arm over Stan's shoulder, "If it gets really bad Stan, you can always stay with me." He looked around at all of his friends, "That goes for all of you."

"You're fine with everyone knowing about this?" Kyle's eyes locked on Cartman as he asked the question - searching for any sign of deception.

"Ah don't care what anyone thinks," Cartman replied. "_Ah do what ah want_," his voice changed to mimic the teenage girl he first stole the phrase off. Cartman returned to his normal voice, "Or in this case - ah do who ah want."

"My mom might not take it too well when she finds out," Kyle admitted.

Cartman snorted dismissively, "Ah've already told you Kahl - you can move in with me if your mom kicks you out."

"But what if she tries to stop me seeing all of you - what if she wants to send me away to a strict boarding school or some anti-gay camp?" Kyle was starting to panic unnecessarily.

"She won't do that," Cartman tried to reassure, "she's already accepted you being in a gay relationship with Stan. This isn't that much worse. Tell her the truth about how you feel and mention how scared you are of her rejection. Ah'm sure that you'll be fine."

"But what about when we go to college? Will we be forced to split up?" Kyle was starting to look for problems.

"We'll all go together and live in a nice house off-campus," Cartman said easily. "Ah've already got it covered."

"Cartman," Kyle was clearly stressed, "just because you're the only seme in our group relationship - it doesn't mean that you're the one in charge. You don't have to solve all of our problems by yourself."

"We don't expect you to pay for everything either," Stan added.

Cartman closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a few seconds - trying to calm himself before speaking. They couldn't understand how protective he felt towards all of them.

"Have any of you seen the film Brewster's Millions - with Richard Prior and John Candy?"

The question Cartman asked had come out of nowhere and puzzled the four other boys.

It was a few seconds before Stan replied, "Is that the film where he has to spend thirty million dollars in a month to earn his real inheritance - which is a lot more?"

Cartman nodded eagerly, "That's the one Stan. Well ah'm the same."

"That doesn't make any sense Fat-ass," Kyle chipped in.

"Ah'm sure Kahl," Cartman drew out Kyle's name - clearly upset by the Fat-ass insult, "that you remember when ah bought my own theme-park"

"Isn't that when Kyle had really bad piles?" Butters asked innocently.

Kenny sniggered in the background.

"We all remember Cartman," Kyle snapped, "you bought the theme-park over in North Park, renamed it Cartmanland, then sold it and got screwed on the taxes."

"Brewster's Millions was my grandmas favourite film," Cartman told his friends. "When she died, she set up a similar challenge for me."

"Why haven't we seen you with the money then Cartman?" Stan asked.

"Ah don't get it until ah'm eighteen," Cartman told them, "until then ah thought it best not to tell anyone - in case they only liked me for my money."

"That's pretty hard to believe Cartman," Kyle said sceptically.

"Ah've got paperwork at home ah can show you - if you don't believe me," Cartman insisted. "My grandma was a shrewd woman Kahl - she ran houses across three states."

"What sort of houses Eric?" Butters naively asked - the other three had obviously worked it out.

Cartman tried to reply with dignity, "Rest houses Butters - where men go for a few hours to rest."

Butters still looked puzzled.

"He means whore houses Butters," Kenny explained - not worrying about his crudeness, "places men go to have sex with women for money."

"Oh," Butters said - clearly wishing that he hadn't asked.

Cartman spoke proudly, "When me and my mom went to grandma's funeral and will reading - ah was told that she'd left me one million dollars. Ah was only told about grandma's secret challenge after the rest of my family had left. Ah had to choose between just keeping the one million dollars or taking a chance for the big prize. If ah was able to lose the one million, with no material assets - inside of a month, ah would inherit the bulk of her estate. Obviously ah succeeded. My investment portfolio currently stands at a little over thirty million dollars."

None of Cartman's four boyfriends said anything - each of them was slightly stunned by his revelation. They were still quiet when the bus arrived a few minutes later.

"Oh and Kahl," Cartman said looking backwards towards the Jewish boy - as he waited to board the bus, "about that Fat-ass remark. Don't expect me to stay that way forever - ah've finally found a type of exercise that ah like." He winked provocatively at his friend to show he wasn't angry.

'Moses help me - I'm in love with him,' Kyle thought as he stared at Cartman's hot ass climbing on board the bus.

* * *

_**Author's Notes:** I hope I managed to spring one last surprise on everyone with the last chapter. I've had the Cartman/Brewster's Millions idea tucked away in my mind for some time now - waiting for a chance to use it. It's a great film if you haven't seen it._

_I don't think that I've mentioned before that the title of this story is an obvious play on the classic TV sitcom **Everybody Loves Raymond** - in my opinion, one of the best sitcoms ever._

_My next multi-chapter story will probably be just Kyman, although I do have an idea for a light Kenman one-shot I might write. Either way Kyman love to you all, cell12._


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